


Shelter

by mveloc



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-19 10:57:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1466932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mveloc/pseuds/mveloc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "Half Life." Delphine and Cosima work compulsively to try and find a cure for the slowly deteriorating clone, but time is running out and lies are unraveling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: First of all, I want to thank everyone for the amazing response. It's been a long while since I've written anything that wasn't academic or work related, so I was afraid I'd forgotten how to write creatively (which is what I went to school for in the first place, ironically enough). But you guys have been super encouraging and supportive and I feel more inspired now than I have in a very long time. This is the sequel to "Half Life," so if you haven't read it, I suggest checking it out first. It isn't entirely necessary, since I'd characterize Half Life as being more comprised of character development than actual plot, but it'll provide you with some insight into the characters' mindsets coming into this. I'm looking at about five or six chapters right now, possibly a couple more depending on how long I make each chapter. Once again, all comments and criticisms are welcome; I love hearing what you guys think, so let me know! :)

She awakened to another coughing fit, a ritual which had become all too familiar to her in the past month. Reaching over to the bedside table, she grabbed a tissue to catch the splatters of blood as they were forcefully expelled from her mouth. She struggled for a moment to catch her breath and fight the tickle in her chest, and that’s when she heard a shuffling coming from the living room.

“I’m fine!” she shouted, finally regaining control.

The right side of the bed was empty and had been for quite some time, judging by the lack of warmth. The sheets were still disheveled, the groove of a head still indented in the pillow; proof that someone had been sleeping uneasily just hours before.

“Are you certain?” a voice called back.

She threw her feet over the edge of the bed, forfeiting its warmth as she slowly rose. She slipped her glasses on and grabbed a black, oversized sweater off the floor and pulled it on over her head before journeying into the other room. Much like her early morning coughing ritual, seeing the blonde hunched over her laptop with papers splayed all across the table had become another regular occurrence.

“Good morning,” she mumbled, her voice raspy.

Her lover looked up from her laptop, offering a small smile of acknowledgement before dipping her head back down to continue with her work. Unpleased with the response, the brunette stalked over to the blonde, stopping behind her. She reached forward, grasping the woman’s head and forcing it back gently to plant a soft, upside down kiss upon her lips.

“I said ‘good morning,’ ” she whispered against her lips.

“ _Bonjour_.”

She released the French woman’s head, giving her the freedom to return to the task at hand. Instead, she watched the brunette disappear into the kitchen with a lazy smile on her face, admiring the curve of her ass as it just barely dipped out from beneath the large sweater.

“I’m gonna put some coffee on,” the spectacled girl proclaimed, digging in the cupboard for the almost empty tin of coffee.

She paused when she felt warm arms slide around her waist and a kiss press against her cheek, eliciting a smile.

“Sorry. I’m just trying to--”

“I know, I know. You don’t have to explain. I should be thanking you.”

She knew the reason why her monitor had been so distracted and had been sleeping so little these last few weeks was because of her. She had been working around the clock, scouring every corner of the Internet, analyzing every molecule of her DNA, all to try to find some sort of answer to her ailment.

“Cosima.”

“Hm?”

She turned the shorter girl around so that they were facing each other. No words were exchanged, only understanding smiles. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against the clone’s in a slow, tantalizing kiss.

“How are you feeling this morning?” she asked upon pulling away, tenderly stroking the side of the brunette’s face.

Cosima kissed her palm before turning around and focusing her attention back on making coffee, grabbing a spoon from the drawer and a new filter from the packet on the counter.

“Meh. Not any worse than yesterday. Not any better,” Cosima responded, pouring a few spoonfuls of coffee into the filter.

She filled the appliance with water then pressed the “on” button, watching as a slow, dark drip descended into the pot. A smirk spread across her face and she laughed absentmindedly, causing the blonde to cock her head in wonder.

“ _Qu'est-ce que c'est?_ ”

“Nothing,” she shook her head, turning back around to wrap her arms around Delphine’s neck. “I just think it’s funny, how _domestic_ we’ve become.”

Just a month ago, they were on huddled together on Felix’s couch decoding her genome. Now they were living together. Some might have thought that seemed strange and fast, which it probably was, but it wasn’t as if either of them really had a say in the matter. After joining DYAD, the institute put her up in a swanky apartment in the west end, monitor included. It was decided that it was dangerous to live alone with her condition; the chance of complications arising from her illness were too real, so it was Leekie who suggested that Delphine move in, as well, so that she could monitor the clone’s condition and be there in case of emergency. Neither of them had really protested. The apartment was more than big enough for two and while they both spent a vast majority of their time at the institute, as Cosima’s breaths grew shorter and energy grew scarcer, they both found themselves adjusting to their newfound home life. When the days became too long for the brunette, the blonde would take her home, as well as her research, and they would continue as best they could from the comfort of their living room.

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“No, no, no. Not at all. I just... well, I didn’t expect it, that’s all.”

Her fingers toyed with the neckline of Delphine’s robe and her eyes drifted south. The creme-colored satin was tied very loosely at the waist, allowing for the front to dip open, revealing what seemed like miles and miles of chest and cleavage to the brunette’s eager eyes. She licked her lips, unaware of her own leering, which only evoked a smirk from the French woman.

“See something you like?”

“Obvs.”

Her hands abandoned Delphine’s neck, slowly reaching for the tie of her robe.

“Uh, uh, uh,” she scolded, grabbing the girl’s wandering hands and bringing them back up so that they wrapped around her neck again. “We have a long day ahead of us. We can’t be late.”

She pressed a light kiss to Cosima’s jawline and the dreadlocked girl groaned, slouching in defeat and shuffling out of the kitchen. Delphine just chucked lightly, watching her disappear back into their bedroom.

“You know,” she hollered from out of sight. “We don’t even know if this treatment is working. I don’t feel any change at all.”

“Yes, but we won’t know for certain unless we give it a chance, which means following through with each round,” Delphine retorted, reaching into another cupboard to grab two mugs.

Today was round three, which meant another round of blood work, vaccines, scans, and an all around long day stuck in a laboratory. She knew how weary Cosima felt about all of this, but she didn’t have much of a choice. So far, their own research into her illness was coming up empty. They were no closer to figuring it out than when they started. Delphine wouldn’t admit this, of course, but she could tell that Cosima was slowly starting to lose faith, which only motivated her further.

“Great. I get to be poked and prodded some more today,” Cosima said, re-emerging from the bedroom with her laptop and a stack of papers, which she piled next to the blonde’s own work station on the table. “As if I didn’t feel like enough of a lab rat already.”

Delphine frowned, growing solemn.

“I’m sorry, _mon amour_. I wish there was something more I could--”

“Don’t,” Cosima interrupted, shooting a look of warning in the French woman’s direction.

Cosima was very much aware of the blonde’s tendency to blame herself for the current situation. She believed that as a scientist, she was supposed to have all the answers and as a lover, she was supposed to be able to make her partner feel better. She felt as though she was failing on both accounts and she punished herself by hardly eating or sleeping, abandoning the warmth of their bed in the early hours of the morning to work fastidiously in a zombie-like trance, and conversing regularly with Leekie, a man that she not only distrusted at this point, but was quickly coming to despise. Any illusions that once surrounded the doctor were completely shattered now and she felt like the world’s biggest fool for ever having let him seduce and use her.

“I’m going to see if Jennifer’s up for talking today.”

The shorter girl’s words caught her off guard and she perked up her head, glancing in Cosima’s direction for a moment while pouring a cup of freshly brewed coffee for each of them, black for herself and two sugars for her lover; yet another ritual they both knew all too well.

“We’ve already reviewed her case many times. I don’t know what else she could tell us that would help,” Delphine mentioned, approaching Cosima and handing her a mug.

“Yeah, I know that. I’m not talking about the case, though.”

Delphine’s brow furrowed in confusion as she took a sip of much needed caffeine.

“She must be so scared,” Cosima clarified. “And lonely. She’s in bed all day with doctors poking at her. She probably doesn’t even feel like a human being anymore. I know I’d want someone to talk to me like a person, not like some sick, dying victim. I’d want a friend.”

It had been extremely hard to watch one of her sisters slowly degenerate. She didn’t know Jennifer like she knew Sarah or Alison or like she had known Beth, but they were still intrinsically linked. Not only that, but Jennifer was a genuinely sweet girl, someone who didn’t deserve the hand she was dealt in life. Doctor Leekie had given her access to Jennifer’s video diaries and after watching them all, Cosima couldn’t shake the nauseous feeling in her stomach. Then she met Jennifer, who could barely eat or speak and was a shell of the once lively teacher Cosima had originally come to know through the diaries. Upon leaving her hospital room for the first time, Cosima had dashed down the hallway and thrown her head into the trash bin so she could empty the contents of her stomach while Delphine just watched sympathetically. The doctor had the good sense not to ask if it was a symptom of her condition, for she knew her lover all too well at this point; the nausea came from fear, from the promise of a bleak and painful future, not from the disease itself.

“You’re too sweet,” Delphine smiled, stealing yet another kiss.

Cosima grabbed Delphine’s mug, placing it on the table along with her own, then reached for the tie on Delphine’s robe for the second time, gently tugging it open.

“What are you doing?” the blonde giggled and weakly protested. “I told you, we can’t be late.”

“Whatever,” Cosima replied, pushing the robe from Delphine’s shoulders.

The garment fell to the ground, leaving the French woman completely exposed. In an attempt to get even, Delphine reached for the hem of Cosima’s sweater, easily pulling it over her head and tossing it on the sofa. Cosima grabbed her hand, leading her to the bathroom.

“We won’t be long. Just a shower, that’s all.”

“Yes, but as I recall, there is no “just a shower” with you, _ma cherie_.”

“Damn it. Looks like you’re on to me,” Cosima beamed. “Guess I’ll have to come up with a new tactic.”

 

__________

 

“Dead?”

The word struck her like a freight train at full speed, knocking what little wind her lungs seemed to be able to hold these days.

“Yes. She passed during the night.”

Passed.

As if she was slipping between membranes, permeable. As if she had floated from one plain to the next. Jennifer hadn’t “passed” anywhere. Her lungs had filled with blood and puss, drowning her from the inside. They told her that they had given her drugs for the pain, to numb her senses as she fazed out, but Cosima was certain that Jennifer was still very aware of every inch of life as it left her body.

“I’m so sorry, _ma cherie_.”

Cosima was a wild mix of emotions; a splash of grief, a pinch of regret, a pang of fear. Her skin became cold and clammy and Delphine wrapped an arm around her shoulder, giving the doctor a nod in understanding as she ushered the brunette down the hallway.

“We must go meet with Doctor Leekie. We’re already late,” Delphine explained.

“I-I know. I just...”

She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to react. Her instinct was to be upset, but she knew she had to keep a level head now more so than ever, so she swallowed the lump in her throat and allowed Delphine to guide her to their destination. When they got to the lab, they could spy Leekie through the glass, shuffling through a pile of papers. Delphine offered Cosima a supportive smile and they both walked through the threshold.

“Running a little late today, ladies?” he asked, looking up from his paperwork.

“Sorry,” Delphine apologized, bowing her head ever-so-slightly. “Cosima insisted we visit Jennifer first.”

“Oh. I see. Then you know.”

“Yeah,” Cosima mumbled.

She made her way across the room, dropping unenthusiastically into the chair across from Leekie and removing her coat. He slid his papers away and out of sight, collecting the necessary tools to proceed with the first round: blood work. Delphine stalked over, standing next to Cosima for support, causing Leekie to look up from preparing his station.

“Doctor Cormier, why don’t you go check in with Doctor Markovich? He was going to head the autopsy on Jennifer, but I figured you would want to be part of it,” Leekie suggested.

“Right now?” Delphine asked. “Isn’t it... kind of soon?”

“Come now. You of all people should understand the tight schedule we’re on. The sooner we open her up and take a look, the sooner we’ll know more. We might learn something new.”

The way Leekie spoke of Jennifer’s still-warm corpse sent a wave of nausea through Cosima. She wondered if that’s how he would speak of her, when-- _if_ \-- she fell victim to this illness. Would she be just another specimen, waiting to be pulled apart and analyzed so these megalomaniacs could understand where they had went wrong? Would Delphine be there, watching as Leekie disassembled her? Would the blonde then finally be able to see herself-- her name, plain as day-- written on her innards? Would she understand _then_?

“If Doctor Markovich needs me, he can come and get me,” Delphine responded curtly.

It didn’t take three scientists in the room to sense the tension and uneasiness that lingered in the air. Since Cosima had first come to DYAD, Delphine hadn’t missed a single round of treatment, blood work or tests. She was there the entire time, holding the brunette’s hand as she winced in pain while each test became slightly more invasive. It wasn’t only about support, though. Delphine didn’t trust the other doctors involved in the case. They all answered to Leekie, whom she knew was capable of lying if it suited his interests. She had this fear in the pit of her stomach that if she left her lover alone with him, she may never see her again. Maybe it was foolish, but her instincts screamed for her to keep Cosima close.

“Afraid to leave me alone with her?” he joked, a smile slithering across his face. “I won’t bite, I promise. And I’m quite gentle with a needle. Right, Cosima?”

Neither of the women bought into his charming facade, grimacing at his attempt at humor. Cosima shifted uncomfortably in her seat and Delphine crossed her arms, leaning against the table as she watched Leekie assemble the necessary tools. As if on cue, a gentle knocking pierced the silence in the room and an older, balding man in a lab coat was standing in the doorway.

“Ah, Doctor Markovich. Good morning,” Leekie said cheerfully.

Cosima rolled her eyes and Delphine stood up a little straighter.

“Good morning, Doctor Leekie. I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m here for Doctor Cormier,” he replied, turning toward Delphine. “I was told to come and get you when we were ready. You might want to come and take a look.”

The two women looked to each other, the blonde searching for the appropriate response. Cosima simply nodded, indicating that she would be fine without her monitor there to hold her hand, as uncomfortable as it made her to be alone with Leekie.

“ _D’accord_ ,” Delphine conceded.

She leaned down, giving Cosima a quick peck on the lips as Leekie silently observed.

“I’ll see you later,” the blonde said in her soft voice before she disappeared with Doctor Markovich.

There was a momentary silence between Cosima and Leekie as he tied a tourniquet around her arm, his fingers grazing her skin and causing her to squirm yet again. He found a vein, then swabbed it with alcohol. A second later, he inserted the needle and began to draw blood.

“Any worsening symptoms?” he asked.

Cosima shook her head.

“Still just coughing up blood then. No puss?”

“Not yet,” Cosima mumbled.

“And how about your energy levels?” Leekie asked, as he finished filling the last vial of blood.

“I’m more drained than usual, but I still manage.”

“I see.”

He untied the tourniquet, tossing it into the garbage bin next to them along with the needle, then pressed a cotton ball to the entry point and taped it to her skin to cover it. He reached for a new syringe, as well as a vial of clear liquid.

“This treatment... it may sap your strength quite a bit,” he explained, drawing the unknown liquid into the dropper.

“I know, I know. We’ve been over this.”

“I’m just making sure you understand the side effects. The risks.”

He held the syringe up to inspect it more closely, flicking the dropper a few times to get rid of any air bubbles that may have formed. Satisfied, he made eye contact with Cosima to confirm that she was ready. When she nodded, he inserted it into her arm and she winced, clamping her eyes shut as she felt heat shooting into her.

“All done. Not so bad, right?”

She released a breath she wasn’t even aware she was holding and Leekie offered her another reptilian smile, patting her on the shoulder as he stood up and walked to the other side of the room. He shuffled through a pile of papers, collecting them in a neat stack while Cosima slipped her red coat back on. She was ready to head off to the next phase of testing, which entailed a few of hours cooped up in what felt like a tiny capsule as machines scanned her entire body. This was quite possibly the worst part of the entire ordeal; never had she felt so small or exposed as when she was trapped in what felt like a coffin full of bright lights and horrible noises. She had never been claustrophobic before, but this was very different. As she headed toward the door, Leekie’s voice stopped her.

“I trust Delphine has been taking good care of you?” he asked with a hint of suggestion.

Cosima whipped around so fast, she could already feel the whiplash start to settle. She hadn’t liked the tone of his voice and it lit a small fire inside of her. He quickly picked up on her change in demeanor and it was as if he was aiming for it all along.

“She has a very _caring_ touch, doesn’t she?”

Her skin crawled.

She crossed her arms over her chest, assuming a defensive stance. She knew exactly what Leekie was trying to do, only she wasn’t exactly sure of his motivation behind it. Why was he trying to cause a rift between her and Delphine now when he was the one who had initially pushed them together?

“Oh. Sorry, that’s right. No personal questions.”

It was a boundary she had established the second she, Rachel and Leekie went over her terms for joining DYAD. She would work with them, studying her own biology as well as the other clones, but she wouldn’t answer any of their questions outside of the science. She could tell Rachel was displeased, as she was trying to learn everything she could about Sarah, but Leekie ultimately agreed to keep their relationship strictly professional, strictly scientific.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Cosima finally snapped.

Leekie waved his hand in dismissal.   


“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just making an observation, that’s all.”

“And what observation would that be?”

The gloves were off now and Leekie hadn’t been expecting quite the level of sass he was receiving from the dreadlocked woman. He knew she had a feisty side, he had observed it numerous times, but she had never been quite as overt about it; her cheekiness was usually coated in subtlety, with a toothy grin or shrug of her shoulders which one might mistake as playfulness. There was nothing playful in Cosima’s demeanor now and the doctor made note of how easily he had managed to strike such an important nerve.

“Delphine’s always been very involved in her work, ever since I met her,” he began to explain. “It’s not a bad thing. In fact, that’s why I invited her to work here at DYAD. Although sometimes... well, I think it’s the science she’s _really_ in love with. That’s what draws her to--”

“I’m not “her work,” Doctor Leekie.”

Her voice was low and guttural, laced with warning and contempt.

“Aren’t you?”

Her instinct was to strike him in the mouth, to lunge at him from across the room, and she suddenly had a brand new understanding and appreciation for Sarah. Before she could act on her fantasy, Leekie quickly vacated the room, leaving her alone to stew in her anger. She stood there, balled fists at her side, staring intensely at the ground.

Why was she so upset?

Why had what Leekie said effected her so much?

Now she understood why Delphine was so reluctant to leave her alone with him. She knew he would do just this, that he would probe her until he found what made her tick. Or was the blonde simply afraid that he would reveal her secret? Cosima had her suspicions about the nature of her girlfriend’s relationship with Leekie, but she didn’t really think it was her place to ask, nor did she really feel like having a conversation she thought would make her sick. While she wasn’t pleased to have her suspicions confirmed, it was something else he had said that really tormented her.

_“I think it’s the science she’s really in love with.”_

She didn’t want to believe it, but the more Leekie’s tiny kernel of turmoil began to imbed itself in her brain, the more she began to really consider it. Would she and Delphine be involved at all if it hadn’t been for the science? Forget about the monitor situation. Despite the fact that the French woman was tasked to observe her, would she have “fallen,” as she claimed, if Cosima hadn’t been such an important specimen? 

**“I didn’t want to fall for you. I wasn’t supposed to.”**

What scientist in their right mind would want to fall for their subject? Not only was it immoral, it jeopardized the results of three decades of what Cosima could only assume was very carefully collected, very sensitive data. It almost made all of Delphine’s hard work completely obsolete. So why would she do it? Why would she throw away everything she had been working towards? Cosima liked to think she knew her lover well. 

The science was her life. 

It was her reason for breathing, it was everything she ever wanted for as long as she could remember. There was no reason why she would throw that all away just for some geek girl with a respiratory disease, probably doomed to an early death anyway. 

It didn’t make any sense.

**“But I have.”**

“Really?”

____________________

 

Delphine released an exasperated sigh as she somberly drifted down the long, white corridor. The day had passed quickly, she had spent the better part of it performing Jennifer’s autopsy, taking samples, then testing and conferring with the other doctors in an attempt to learn something. She was exhausted and all she wanted to do was find Cosima in their lab and take her home. She’d been working so hard lately, all she needed was just a couple of hours not staring desperately through a microscope, scrounging for answers. She just wanted her girlfriend and the comfort of their bed, away from all this madness.

She could feel her own heaviness begin to build, gravity pressing down on her and holding her in position. Her chest began to heave and she leaned against a white wall for support as she finally succumbed to the exhaustion, allowing the tears to flow freely. She’d been holding them in for so long, they punished her by scorching her skin as they trailed down the contours of her face. She didn’t want to let Cosima see her cry. She needed to be strong for the both of them, for if the brunette saw her own hopelessness and despair, then she’d know how futile this quest to save her life really was. She couldn’t watch Cosima break like that. The clone was already slowly beginning to fade, she had to do everything she could to keep her spirits up.

She hadn’t anticipated just how difficult Jennifer’s autopsy would be for her, but it had taken everything she had not to break down into sobs in front of her coworkers as she carved into the body. 

All she could see was Cosima.

Cosima’s pale, lifeless face as she removed the organs, one by one. She’d held Jennifer’s heart in her hands today and all she could do was stare in horror as the other doctors nudged her back into reality, goading her to continue with the process. As she held the heart, all she could think of was that it must have been identical to Cosima’s, that in some twisted way, she was actually holding Cosima’s heart in her hands, only it was no longer beating. She was holding everything that Cosima was, everything that she could but never would be, and that was too much for her to handle.

She composed herself, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her coat as she continued walking down the hallway. Now more than ever, she wanted to find the dreadlocked girl and hold her close. She stopped, however, when she heard a familiar British accent waft through the air and reach her ears. It was coming from around the corner, where Leekie’s lab was, and she froze in place.

“Dilettantes. Nothing but foolish dilettantes. Surely we can do something about it?”

Rachel was usually so calloused and composed, but the tone of her voice betrayed everything she portrayed to most onlookers and Delphine took note. Whatever it was that she was talking about, she was angry. 

“We’ve been over this before, Rachel. Kira Manning stays right where she is.”

The voice was distinctly Leekie’s, which made sense since it appeared that the conversation was coming from the doorway of his lab. Delphine was unsure of how to proceed. Should she make her presence known? It was clear that they were discussing Sarah’s child, which meant that Leekie had lied to her earlier when she had asked him if he knew anything about Kira’s disappearance and he’d told her he had no idea, that if DYAD had something to do with it, he wasn’t complicit. His duplicity only motivated her and she decided to stay where she was, hidden from their line of vision.

“Aldous, we are wasting time we do not have. Sarah’s daughter may hold all the answers we’ve been looking for. She may be the culmination of the last thirty years of your research and you’re just standing here, telling me to do nothing.”

“I understand your position on the matter, I do,” Leekie replied. “To be quite honest, I’m inclined to agree with you. The sooner we bring the child in for testing, the sooner we’ll know more.”

Delphine began to feel sick. She was enamored by the science as much as Leekie or any of the other doctors in this building were, but the thought of abducting a child and running involuntary experiments on her was a line she would never cross. She wondered how she could be so stupid, so naive, for not having seen Leekie and DYAD’s true nature years before.

“So how come you’re being so complacent?” Rachel asked venomously.

“The board has been very clear. Kira Manning is not to be touched. Not for now, anyway.”

“You mean _that woman_ has been very clear,” Rachel corrected. “Honestly, Aldous. How long will they allow her to continue to stand in our way and muddle the results? If you ask me, our current predicament is entirely her fault.”

“Perhaps. I’m sure the other board members will come around to our way of thinking eventually. Soon they’ll realize how necessary Kira is in all of this and when they do, even _she_ won’t be able to protect her. Until that day comes, we’ll just have to keep playing our parts.”

“I’m no actor, Aldous. I’m nobody’s pawn.”

“And yet, here we are.”

The conversation came to a close and Leekie walked away, turning the corner and coming face-to-face with Delphine who had been eavesdropping on their exchange. He stopped dead in his tracks.

“Oh. This is... a predicament.”

Delphine stood up a little straighter, trying to make herself seem bigger and unafraid, but to no avail while Rachel glared at her. She knew she was one of the last people that either of them would have wanted to overhear their conversation, aside from any of the clones themselves.

“You know,” Leekie started. “Your job is to spy on Cosima, not us.”

“I... I was coming this way when I heard you. I didn’t mean to... to... but then I heard Kira’s name,” Delphine attempted to explain.

She felt a sudden burst of defiance.

“You know where Sarah’s daughter is. You’ve known all along.”

“Yes. She’s with us,” Rachel clarified, approaching Leekie and Delphine.

Rachel had regained her composure, the callousness returning and settling right where it belonged. She turned to face Leekie.

“Leave us.”

The older man shrugged, then drifted by the two women, leaving them standing there alone in the hallway. Rachel sized Delphine up, making the French woman feel uncomfortable, just like she always did. The clone narrowed her eyes at Delphine, gauging her reaction and waiting for a response.

“It isn’t right. She’s a child. She didn’t ask for any of this.”

Rachel rolled her eyes.

“And you think that I did? Do you think that me or Sarah or Alison or _Cosima_ asked to be born into any of this? Of course not. But this is the game that we play, Doctor.”

“I won’t be a part of this,” Delphine protested.

“Oh, but you already are.”

Ice.

“Tell me,” Rachel began, taking a step closer so that her and Delphine were just inches apart. “How much does Cosima mean to you?”

Delphine’s head dropped, hanging low as her eyes began to gloss over with tears for the second time in twenty minutes. She already knew where Rachel was going with this and the thought that she’d be complicit in any of it made her want to evaporate. 

“I understand you two have become quite... _close_. It would be a shame if your relationship were to end so abruptly.”

_Abruptly_.

**“Cold turkey... what is that?”**

**“Oh. It means abruptly.”**

“Don’t get me wrong, Doctor Cormier. I’m not the enemy. I have no desire to watch Cosima die, either. She’s a sweet girl and she has such a brilliant mind. She could live on to do great things... but that’s entirely your decision.”

She took a deep breath, composing herself, then exhaled.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing,” Rachel smiled. “I want you to do nothing.”

Delphine arched a brow, unsure of the meaning behind Rachel’s words. The shorter blonde had her at her complete mercy, the French woman was expecting her to demand information about Cosima, about Sarah and where she may be hiding, about the entire operation of the “rogue clones,” as Leekie had been calling them. In truth, Delphine wasn’t privy to much of that information herself. While Cosima seemed to trust her with her life, it appeared she didn’t trust her with the lives of Sarah or Alison. Delphine could hardly blame her, considering the fact that she had exposed them to Leekie in the first place. When it came to Sarah and Alison, Cosima was as quiet as possible, telling the blonde only what she thought was absolutely necessary.

“You will do nothing. You will say nothing. This conversation? It never happened,” Rachel clarified. “The question of Sarah’s daughter is nonexistent. Or I could pull the plug on your research, on the treatment, and you can watch your lover die. Without DYAD, she doesn’t stand a chance.”

Another dry, abrasive lump formed in the doctor’s throat. It tore at her insides and burned through her stomach as she swallowed it with a hesitant nod, watching the frigid clone stalk away from her, the sound of her heels clicking on the white quartz floor and echoing through the corridor. She took another minute to compose herself, straightening her coat and hair and checking her face in the window of Leekie’s lab to make sure her eyes weren’t puffy and her face wasn’t red, which usually happened when she was crying or upset. As satisfied as she could be with her appearance, she continued on her way to the lab where she was expecting to see Cosima.

It was vacant.

Confused, she looked around to see if there was any sign of the clone. The lights were off, her coat and bag were gone, nobody seemed to be around. Panic shot through her as she headed down a different hallway this time, looking for any signs of life. She eventually ran into another doctor, a younger Asian man with horn rimmed glasses, most likely a research assistant.

“Excuse me,” she stopped him, catching his elbow as he attempted to walk by her. “Have you seen Cosima?”

“Cosima?” he asked.

It was possible that he wasn’t aware of who Cosima was, although most people who worked closely with Leekie had some basic form of knowledge or involvement in the cloning trial. He could tell by Delphine’s expression that she was desperate and his features softened, sympathy bleeding through.

“Nose ring? Hair in braids?” she inquired further, hoping to spark his memory.

“Oh! That’s... 324B21, right?” 

She was quick to correct him.

“Cosima.”

“S-Sorry,” he replied, bowing his head in apology. “I didn’t know her name. But yeah, I saw her earlier.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“I’m pretty sure she left a couple of hours ago. She seemed... despondent.”

“Despondent?” she asked, unfamiliar with the English word.

“Sorry. Upset,” he clarified. “She seemed upset.”

With the blonde’s silent permission, he continued on his way and left her standing alone.

Cosima was upset. 

She hadn’t said anything.

They always left together. It had become their ritual and Cosima hadn’t even thought to text her to say that she would be leaving early. She wondered if everything was okay, if something had happened. Had Cosima’s health taken a turn for the worst? Is that why she had left early? Suddenly, she felt her greatest fear begin to manifest itself. Her instinct had told her not to let Cosima out of her sight, that she may never see her again if she left her alone with Leekie, Maybe she was overreacting, but ever since the clone had fallen ill, she just couldn’t shake this sinking feeling that she would never see Cosima again.

She felt cold and breathless and hollow to the bone.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's Note:** You guys are the best. Seriously. This chapter took me a little longer than usual to finish. I ended up reworking it a few times because I wasn't entirely happy with it (the first few drafts were quite a bit darker), but I'm ultimately glad with how it turned out. Let me know what you think. Cheers! :)

When she arrived at their apartment, the door was left unlocked and Delphine felt a slight sense of relief knowing that Cosima was home, that she didn’t wander off to be somewhere on her own in her condition. She opened the door, sliding herself through it and taking a look around, noticing that all the lights were off. If Cosima was home, there certainly wasn’t any indication.

“Cosima?” she called out, flicking the light on.

Her eyes adjusted to the sudden lighting change and she spotted the brunette across the room, sitting at the table in silence, sipping on a glass of red wine. The bottle itself was half empty and the French woman could tell that she had been there for a while, drinking quietly in the dark while watching the cityscape from the window.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, hanging up her coat and dropping her bag. “You left without me, without saying anything at all. I was worried.”

Cosima didn’t answer. She tilted her head back, emptying the contents of the glass before reaching for the bottle to pour herself another. Delphine approached her slowly, cautiously, mindful of the space between them and the clone’s unusual behaviour.

“What’s going on?” 

Cosima finally turned her head to acknowledge her lover, staring her directly in the eyes for a brief second before turning away again, taking another sip and continuing to gaze out the window. The action was like a slap in the face to the blonde, a deliberate “fuck you,” so she reached out and grabbed the glass from Cosima’s hand, pulling it away. The brunette made a noise in protest, but was quickly silenced by Delphine.

“Why are you upset with me?”

She hadn’t seen Cosima all day and when they had left each other, everything seemed fine. She could only assume that something must have transpired throughout the course of the day in her absence. Cosima reached for the glass and Delphine extended her arm out behind her, holding it just out of Cosima’s grasp, refusing to relent until the clone gave her some sort of explanation.

“Can you give me my wine back, please?” Cosima asked, making no attempt to hide her growing agitation.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

Cosima sneered. She reached for the bottle this time, but Delphine was quicker, grabbing it with her free hand and holding it out of Cosima’s reach, yet again. She backed away from the table, creating more distance between them. The two became locked in stare, each daring the other to make a move.

“Leekie and I had an interesting conversation today.”

Delphine grew silent. 

Her head dropped and her feet remained planted, her arms relenting and lowering to her sides with the glass and bottle still in hand. Cosima could have snatched them back at this moment with the blonde’s guard down, but neither woman moved, Cosima’s eyes like liquid amber as they remained fixated on Delphine, locking her in position with their intensity.

“How long have you been fucking him?”

There was danger in her voice, as well as pain and betrayal. Delphine’s head shot up and she locked eyes with Cosima, returning her searing gaze with one of her own. It was clear that the pain and betrayal was mutual, the brunette’s accusation like a punch to the gut.

“I’m not,” she replied curtly.

“But you were.”

There was a brief moment of silence, the two women searching each other, trying to predict the other’s next move. The entire mood was so volatile and Delphine wondered how much she could or should disclose before she lit a fuse and the entire apartment burst into flames.

“ _Oui_. Before we were together, I was with him.”

It was the truth. She had not been with Leekie after Cosima became an option-- her only option. While she could understand her lover’s hostility toward her previous relationship with Leekie, her implication that her affair with the duplicitous doctor was ongoing was like a knife in her heart.

Delphine stepped a little closer until they were separated only by the table. She placed the forgotten glass and bottle on the surface, but neither woman’s gaze shifted from each other. Cosima continued to search the blonde, to try and discern the truth in her lover’s voice.

“Leekie and I... whatever we were... it wasn’t serious and it’s long over. It ended the second you first kissed me, in your apartment that night after dinner. Remember, _ma cherie_?”

Cosima shook her head, laughing incredulously as she pushed her chair out from the table and rose to her feet. She began to walk away, heading towards their bedroom, but Delphine followed closely behind as she attempted to justify her actions.

“I’m sure you were with many people before you were with me. I don’t ask you about them. I don’t get angry about them. Why are you so upset about this?”

Cosima came to a screeching halt. She whipped around, pinning the blonde in place with a glare that would make even the boldest man quake in fear. If looks could kill, the doctor would have been dead ten times over by now.

“Because we’re talking about _Leekie_!” she shouted. “The man’s a psychopath!”

“I know that now. I didn’t then.”

Cosima’s eyes were brimming with tears.

“All of this bullshit... this is all his fault, Delphine! _All of it_!”

And suddenly, Delphine knew where this anger was coming from. 

This was the exhaustion talking, the frustration and the fear finally rearing its head. Cosima was at Leekie’s mercy, with absolutely no control over what was happening to her body. She was at the mercy of a man who saw her and her sisters as some glorified lab rats, who would probably sacrifice her life in a heartbeat if it would further his own agenda. No matter how many snarky comments she threw his way, this fact remained the same. And now she had learned that the only thing in her life that she had some semblance of control over-- her relationship with Delphine-- was being tainted by Leekie, as well. 

The blonde relaxed, her posture slackening from its defensive state. Sympathy found its way to her face and she took a step closer to Cosima, trying to close the distance between them. The brunette was not receptive and she took a step back, maintaining the distance that her monitor was so desperate to erase.

“ _Mon armour_ ,” she pleaded. 

Cosima met her gaze, her face serious and penetrating. Her eyes dropped, then rose again a second later as she gave Delphine a once over, trying her best to absorb the blonde’s presence, to decode the enigma that stood before her.

“Why are you really with me, Delphine?”

The doctor blinked, unsure if she had heard her lover correctly, but she quickly realized from Cosima’s continued austerity that she hadn’t imagined the painfully calculated words that had fallen from her lips and stung like a swarm of hornets under threat.

“E-Excuse me?”

Cosima shook her head, turning her back and continuing her journey to their bedroom. Delphine managed to catch her elbow before the shorter girl could get more than a few steps away, holding her in position. There were a thousand thoughts racing through her head, a thousand things she wanted to say, but she said nothing. Instead she simply held Cosima still in a dangerous silence, waiting for the brunette to finish her train of thought.

“Do you feel guilty? Is that it?”

Cosima jerked her arm, roughly escaping the blonde’s grasp. She turned around so the two were facing each other once again. There was no more retreating to the bedroom to hide, no more deflections or illusions. The clone’s eyes were glaring at Delphine and shining with angry tears, unable to restrain her emotions anymore. It was a look the blonde had never seen before. It terrified her in more ways than she could fathom.

“Do you feel bad that I’m dying?” she began to unwind, her voice deep and aggressive as she stepped closer to the taller woman.

Delphine had been so desperate to close the space between them before, but now she found herself backing up, away from her lover and her suffocating gaze, her incisive words that threatened to strip all flesh from her body. With every backwards peddle, Cosima took one forward, never letting the blonde out of her range of aggression.

“You feel like you owe me something after everything you’ve done, so now you’re hanging around until your debt is repaid. Is that it?”

Delphine’s bottom lip quivered and she inhaled a shaky breath, gravity betraying her as a few vagrant tears spilled down her face. She stopped retreating. Cosima stopped advancing. They were standing in the middle of their living room, a mere few feet between them, a void filled with tension and heartbreak.

“How could you even say such a thing?” Delphine asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s the only logical reason I can come up with.”

“So, the fact the I love you isn’t reason enough?” She burst, her voice cracking at the confession.

The brunette had been out for blood. Now that she had it, she found the taste wasn’t as sweet as she had hoped or imagined. It tasted different than the blood that stained her lips after a hacking fit; it was bitter and heavy on her tongue, preventing her from speaking. Upon seeing the blonde’s tears and hearing her accidental confession, she realized that it wasn’t Delphine’s blood she had wanted at all. It was her heart. She was so afraid of what that meant, she tried to claw it out of the doctor’s chest while it was still beating. But what use did she have for a heart without a name?

_“So, the fact the I love you isn’t reason enough?”_

Delphine’s words echoed in her ears and her own tears began to flow freely, her chest heaving. She hadn’t been prepared for those words yet. Delphine’s truth was somehow much harder than what she had been expecting. She looked up, meeting Delphine’s gaze once again. When the blonde was able to finally see her-- really see her-- she stopped trembling like a leaf in the wind, her eyes void of their previous hurt, replaced by a silent understanding and devotion. Her lips upturned ever-so-slightly into a smile.

“Is that really so hard for you to believe, Cosima?” she asked softly.

Delphine took a step closer, finally closing the painful distance between them. Their bodies pressed together and her arms wrapped around the shorter girl, pulling her into her chest for a tight embrace. Cosima allowed herself to be held like that for a few minutes, wrapping her own arms around the slender woman and sinking into her. She tucked her head beneath Delphine’s chin and sobbed quietly while her monitor simply hushed and stroked her softly.

When she finally regained some sense of composure, Cosima pried her head out from beneath Delphine’s chin and looked up at her lover, whose fixed, assuring gaze seemed to steady her faltering body. Her eyes fluttered as she reached up, wrapping an arm around Delphine’s neck and bringing her head down to meet her.

Their lips brushed together gently, slowly, more of a test than a profession of desire and with such innate tenderness that all previous accusations were soothed and forgotten. When they parted, Cosima pressed her forehead to Delphine’s and both women inhaled deeply, allowing the other to enter their stream. Thumbs brushed at tears, removing solemn streaks from otherwise flawless features and when they finally opened their eyes again, there was a longing and understanding swimming atop the surface, though something much more primal lurking underneath.

“Please,” Cosima breathed against her lips. “I need you.”

Delphine already knew this because the need was one they shared, one that had settled in their centers and bonded to their bones, one that radiated through their bodies, sparking every limb to life. Her lips were back on the shorter girl’s, but they were more feverish this time, more desperate and demanding. Cosima’s arms wrapped around the blonde’s neck and Delphine’s went to her ass, pulling the clone roughly against herself until space was nothing more than an abstraction. The two went stumbling through the apartment until they crossed the threshold into their bedroom, their lips never parting despite nearly losing balance. Their clumsy dance didn’t stop, however, until Delphine’s back hit the wall and Cosima had her pressed against it, grinding her hips into the doctor’s and eliciting something between a moan and a whimper.

Delphine’s hands rose from the American’s ass, cupping her face instead to give her more leverage to deepen the kiss, her tongue greedily claiming every inch of the clone’s mouth for herself. Cosima quickly dispelled her tactic, her hands finding Delphine’s and removing them from her face, pinning them against the wall on either side of her head. Their fingers clasped together and their lips parted momentarily, lazy smiles etched on both of their faces as they caught their breath. Cosima nuzzled her softly, their noses brushing together in an act of pure endearment.

“Bed,” Delphine suggested, her chest still heaving and bursting for oxygen.

Cosima nodded, fusing their lips back together again. Her hands went to Delphine’s blouse, tearing at the fabric. The sound of buttons scattering across the floor filled the room but neither woman cared as Delphine all too willingly shrugged the article from her shoulders and slowly walked the shorter girl backwards until her knees hit the bed. The blonde was on her quickly, smothering her completely with lips and tongue and hands. They were in such a hurry for skin, she wasn’t quite aware of how it happened, but their clothes were stripped away in a flash until they were finally in their natural state, their skin hot and slick as they molded into each other.

The room was completely dark, lit only by the faintness of the moon shining hesitantly through the curtain of the window, but it was fine. In the darkness they see each other with perfect clarity, two sets of eyes burning skin and stealing souls, staking claim to one another. They lay still for a moment and the room is silent aside from their laboured breathing, the brunette on her back with her head buried in the crook of Delphine’s neck, inhaling the sweet scent of the blonde draped over her body. She slid a leg between the French woman’s, feeling her wetness hot against her thigh and Delphine bucked against her, sending electricity up her spine and causing the pale woman to shudder.

“ _Si douce_ ,” she whispered breathlessly into the clone’s ear.

Cosima sighed as Delphine took her lobe between her teeth, sucking and nibbling gently as she continued to grind against Cosima’s thigh. Cosima raked her nails down her monitor’s back and Delphine’s lips continued their descent down the column of her neck, planting open mouthed kisses until she reached the clone’s clavicle, then dragged her lips across to the base of her throat. The brunette tilted her head back to oblige the blonde, allowing her to trace the length of her throat with her tongue, stopping at the underside of her jaw to plant another tantalizing kiss. Cosima did her best to stifle an inevitable yowl, sending vibrations through the blonde’s lips which upturned into a seductive smirk. The American looked up at her, eyes wide and hungry, begging the blonde to satiate her in the way that only she knew how. Delphine reached for her hands, pinning them to the bed on either side of her head without ever breaking eye contact, smirk still firmly in place.

“ _Tous la mienne_.”

Cosima lifted her head to meet the French woman’s descending lips and they clashed violently, teeth clanging together and tongues skimming over lips as they both battled for control. Delphine’s position gave her the upper hand, but the quirky girl beneath her wasn’t willing to concede so easily. They fell into a momentum, their mouths melding together and tongues dancing idly with one another in a dance of exploration. No matter how many times they kissed, each time was always new; there was always something to be learned, a deeper essence to be felt. 

Delphine shifted so that her center was pressed against Cosima’s and both women gasped at the sensation. She released the brunette’s hands and sat up straight so she was straddling Cosima and the two became locked in stare, each daring the other to make the next move. Cosima thrusted her hips upward and both women moaned loudly, drowning each other out. The blonde then reached down, gripping just below Cosima’s breasts, giving her enough purchase to grind herself into the smaller girl. She continued to roll her hips and Cosima moaned, gripping them tightly as she met each roll with one of her own, the two finding a common rhythm. The friction was starting to become unbearable.

“God, Delphine,” she panted.

She licked her lips and looked up at the blonde through hooded lids, struggling to keep her eyes open as the slick heat between her legs ground continuously against Delphine’s in a form of delicious torture. She forced herself to watch, to take in every detail of the French woman as she rocked enthusiastically against her body; the way her back arches, the way she bites her bottom lip to try and suppress a moan (and fails miserably), the way she throws her head back each time Cosima’s thrusts meet her own, her breasts bouncing ever-so-slightly, creating a spectacle for the clone to admire. Her hands slid from Delphine’s hips, traveling up her sides and cupping the swells of flesh. She flicked her thumbs over the nipples, rolling them between her fingers and the blonde pressed down even harder against her, causing her to cry out and her body to quake.

Cosima forced herself up into a sitting position so that Delphine was now straddling her lap. Her mouth ravaged the French woman’s chest, sucking and nipping, while her hand drifted south, finding the place where she was most needed. Delphine wrapped her arms around Cosima’s head, holding her face to her chest in an almost suffocating lock, and she gasped loudly as she felt Cosima’s fingers begin to dance in her wetness.

“Cosima!” she moaned loudly, egging the clone on.

She never grew tired of hearing her name fall from Delphine’s lips and she took it as all the encouragement she needed, slipping her fingers inside. Delphine thrusted wildly against her hand, desperate for even more friction. Her hands pulled Cosima’s head towards her own for a punishing kiss, one that sucked all the air from their lungs and left the promise of bruised lips in the morning. When their lips parted, they locked gazes once again, Cosima’s fingers never relenting, Delphine’s breath hitching and eyes fluttering with each and every thrust; her eyes were so dark and glossy now, Cosima was certain she’d lose herself in them forever if she continued to maintain her gaze, and it would be a fate much better than the one that awaited her back at DYAD.

“I love you,” she finally confessed, her words a hot expulsion of breath against Delphine’s lips.

They came from somewhere deep inside of her and clawed their way to the surface, threatening to tear her apart if they stayed inside for a second longer. She knew she shouldn’t have said them, but she didn’t regret it.

The look on Delphine’s face became much more serious and she reached down between them for Cosima’s wrist, stopping her ministrations. She pulled Cosima’s hand up and held it flat against her chest, right above her heart. Cosima could feel it slamming hard against the French woman’s chest, ready to burst out at any second.

“Can you feel it?” Delphine whispered.

Cosima swallowed, nodding in response.

“It’s you,” Delphine explained. “Always you. Only you.”

She lowered them both back down onto the bed so that Cosima was flat on her back, then kissed her softly, their fingers intertwining as she thrust herself again Cosima’s wetness once again. While their mouths danced gently with one another, their lower halves rocked against each other in a much harder manner until neither woman could stand the friction anymore. Their release was nearly simultaneous; Cosima’s back arched as she unleashed a long, deep moan from the pit of her stomach and Delphine buried her face in Cosima’s neck, muffling her own cries. They rode out the storm of electricity that overtook their bodies together, trembling against each other until Delphine’s body finally gave out and she collapsed on top of Cosima in a heap of sweat and satisfaction. 

It took them both a few minutes to regain their strength and once they did, Delphine rolled off of the smaller woman, turning her back to her. Cosima curled up close, wrapping her arms around her pale lover and spooning her from behind, burying her face in the back of Delphine’s neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her perfume mixed with sweat.

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch before,” Cosima mumbled against the blonde.

The doctor rolled herself over so she was facing Cosima. She gave the clone a weak smile and reached out, cupping her face and stroking it tenderly. Cosima’s eyes fluttered closed and she sighed deeply, reveling in the sensation of Delphine’s soft touch.

“It’s okay.”

Cosima shook her head, blinking back tears and the blonde’s smile disappeared, replaced by concern. She recognized the look in Cosima’s eyes as one of shame and she felt a pang in her chest as she leaned forward, pressing kisses to the clone’s eyelids.

“No, it’s not okay,” Cosima began. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. It was out of line.”

“Really, _ma cherie_. It’s fine,” Delphine replied.

She shifted, moving herself so that she was now on top of Cosima once again, hovering over, arms resting on either side of the American’s head and casting a shadow on her face. She took in the shorter woman’s delicate features, amazed that such a being could exist. While many questioned the ethics and morality surrounding genetic engineering, she did not; maybe it was a defiance of nature, but if defying nature resulted in the creation of something so perfect, then she was more than willing to continue defying it. Maybe one day there would be a whole world full of Cosimas, full of beings so beautiful and strong and smart and delicate, brightening the world just by being a part of it. 

That was her utopia. 

But no matter how many Cosimas were out there, no matter how many clones DYAD had unleashed upon the world, this one would always be hers. She was just as much a part of the clone now as her traitorous lungs, as the ink on her skin, as the movement in her hands while she spoke. And just as she was certain of this, she was certain that Cosima had become a part of her now, too, present in every heartbeat, every breath taken, every thought processed. They were inescapable, inevitable to each other now.

“You’re sick. You’re exhausted. You’re allowed to lose your temper. In fact, I’m surprised you haven’t sooner,” she said.

There was a beat of silence as both women gazed deeply into each other and Cosima offered her monitor a small smile of gratitude.

“I’m sorry that I ever doubted you, Delphine.”

Delphine froze as soon as the words left Cosima’s lips, the colour draining from her face. She knew they were meant to be reassuring, but instead they sent ice through her veins. All she could think of was Kira, of the cold and manipulative Rachel forcing her to lie to Cosima when the clone’s faith in her was now finally restored. It seemed like some cruel joke.

“You’ve been nothing but good to me ever since I got sick. You’re pretty much the only person I can--”

Delphine silenced her lover with her lips, preventing the dreadlocked girl from finishing her sentence. She couldn’t bare to hear Cosima continue on about how much she trusted her, not while she was lying directly to her face. It was a complete betrayal, one that tainted their relationship and one she knew they would never be able to recover from. 

Cosima was caught off guard by the kiss but allowed herself to sink into it, cupping Delphine’s face in her hands. That was when she felt the tears, salty droplets landing on her own cheeks, falling from above. She opened her eyes and realized that Delphine was crying, her eyes betraying her lips. The brunette pulled away from the kiss.

“Hey, hey,” Cosima cooed, nuzzling Delphine. “What’s wrong?”

Delphine said nothing, her lips returning to the reluctant clone’s, desperate for the ceasing of language. Words could not be trusted anymore. Words had failed them both too many times. Cosima tried to resist, recognizing Delphine’s attempt to distract her, sliding her head to the side to free her lips from the blonde’s.

“Delphine?”

“Please, Cosima,” was all she said, her voice shaky and broken. “Just let me love you.”

Cosima’s own eyes began to well up with tears again and she nodded silently, allowing her monitor the reprieve she so desperately needed. This was what their relationship had become; these tiny moments of finding solace in each other, moments where Cosima didn’t have to be dying, where she didn’t have to be 324B21, where Delphine didn’t have to be a liar or a monitor. In these moments, they belonged only to each other, were responsible only for one another. 

In these moments, their lives seemed almost bearable.

She could try to tell Cosima how sorry she was, how much she loved her, but she knew the clone would never believe her words ever again when the truth about Kira inevitably came out. All she had left was action; she had lips and hands and fingers and tongue; she had her body, pressed firmly against the brunette, pinning her to the bed; she had the trail of fire she left as her lips descended down Cosima’s neck, chest, stomach, lower and lower, ignoring the clone’s concern as she finally settled between her legs; she had Cosima’s moans, her sweetness on her tongue, the bucking of her hips against her face; she had the power to release her from her own body, the one that seemed to betray the clone at every turn.

She had the power to make her timeless.


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's Note:** Sorry this took so long! I was in the process of moving, so that sucked up a lot of my time, and then my file crashed and I lost 3/4 of the chapter I had written, so I had to rewrite it again. But here it is. It's pretty long and plot-heavy, so hopefully that makes up for it. Thanks for all your wonderful responses. Please let me know what you think. Enjoy! :)

She rang the wash cloth tightly, watching as the water descended into the sink in tiny droplets. The sound of muffled coughing overpowered the sound of running water, or perhaps she had just learned to tune everything else out. The only sounds she even noticed anymore were the ones that came from Cosima; the absence of breath, the gargling of fluid as she tried to regain it, and on the better days (which were becoming increasingly sparse), the sound of weak laughter or a cheeky comment that had been reduced to a whisper. Everything else in her life was white noise.

She wondered how things went bad so quickly. Just a month ago, Cosima was fine. Well, maybe not completely fine, but she at least had enough strength to walk up a flight of stairs or enough breath to finish her sentences; she had enough energy to fight and fuck, to love and hate with her whole body. Jennifer’s ailment had taken about eight months to finally conquer her, but Cosima’s was progressing much more quickly. In just a few months, she had gone from perfectly healthy to bedridden. It was a lot worse than either of them feared and she knew that they were almost out of time.

They needed a breakthrough _now_.

Turning the faucet off and mustering her best poker face, she headed back into the darkness of the bedroom which was illuminated only by the dimness of the lamp on the nightstand. She could see the brunette huddled on the far side of the bed, in the fetal position, desperately trying to steady her breathing.

“ _Ma cherie_ ,” she whispered gently, sliding into bed.

Cosima turned to face her, face pale, lips dry and stained a special shade of red. She was clutching a handkerchief close to her chest which was spotted with crimson disease. Delphine brought the cloth to her forehead first, dabbing it gently and eliciting a weak smile from the clone.

“That feels nice,” she uttered through a stolen breath.

She then brought the cloth lower, this time to Cosima’s mouth. She traced her lips through the fabric, then dabbed at her chin, making sure to clean any scarlet residue away. When she was done with her gentle ministrations, she discarded the cloth and brought her hand to the clone’s cheek, caressing it gently.

“Perhaps we should consider--”

“No.”

She tried her best to hide her displeasure, but the brunette’s stubbornness was beginning to get the better of her. She didn’t want to say or do anything to upset Cosima in her state, but they were running out of options and the clone refused to even acknowledge the inevitable.

“It would be much easier for you if you were admitted. There would be doctors to monitor you. You’d be more comfortable,” Delphine explained, trying to persuade her lover.

“I don’t need other doctors. I have you. You’re monitoring me, remember?”

“Yes, Cosima, but it’s not the same.”

“Delphine, please,” she begged. “I’m... I’m not ready for that. Not just yet.”

Delphine released a sigh, leaning over to brush her lips against the clone’s in a chaste kiss. Cosima’s breathing finally became somewhat steady, somewhat less laboured. The blonde reached over her, flicking the lamp off and settling back into a comfortable position. Cosima clung to her dearly, resting her head on the doctor’s chest, with Delphine’s arm wrapped around the girl’s small frame.

“Okay,” Delphine finally relented. “We’ll wait a little longer. But if your condition gets any worse, I’m taking you to the institute. Understood?” 

“Deal.”

 

____________________

 

The distracted blonde paced back and forth across the bedroom, checking her watch religiously with a scowl on her face. Cosima’s eyes followed her from her position on the bed, watching as Delphine’s patience slowly slipped away.

“Just chill,” she said, her voice coarse as sand. “He probably just got held up.”

“He said he would be here at eight,” Delphine replied. “It’s a quarter after. I’m going to be late.”

“Then be late,” Cosima shrugged.

“I’m not like you, _ma cherie_. I place value in punctuality.”

The brunette began to giggle and upon seeing this, Delphine couldn’t help but laugh herself. She reveled in the small moments where she could see a sliver of the Cosima she had met months ago, the cheeky girl so full of laughter and life and optimism. As the clone’s laughter began to build, however, the coughing followed in a particularly vicious fit, leaving the girl gasping for air. Delphine rushed over, a look of pure horror etched on her features. She reached for Cosima before realizing that there was nothing she could do, not really; she couldn’t stop the coughing, she couldn’t force air into Cosima’s lungs. All she could do was watch, rubbing her lover’s back in an attempt to comfort her.

She had never felt so inadequate in her entire life.

She had never felt so _powerless_.

“I-I’m okay,” Cosima finally mustered, wiping her mouth with her handkerchief.

“Cosima, _please_ let me bring you in,” Delphine begged.

“I already told you no. Felix will be here any minute. He’ll take care of me. Don’t worry, Delphine.”

But she was far beyond worrying. 

Worrying was a distant memory, when Cosima had first told her she was sick that night in Felix’s loft. She wished she could go back to just worrying, to just being concerned for Cosima’s health, not obsessing over every hitch in breath, every spatter of blood expelled, not considering the horrific truth. The treatment wasn’t working. Cosima was getting worse. Much worse. At the current rate, Delphine was certain she wouldn’t make it another month.

Her phone finally began to buzz, distracting her from the darkness in which her thoughts were beginning to plunge. She released a sigh of relief and maneuvered herself off the bed and towards the door.

“That’s him,” she told Cosima.

She reached the front door and opened it to find the immaculately groomed man standing on the other side, holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a bag of his belongings in the other.

“You’re late,” Delphine snapped.

“Well, excuse me, Grace Kelly,” he said defensively, sauntering into the apartment. “I’ve been getting it from all sides of the clone club today and the sun’s barely up.”

“What?”

Felix placed the bottle of wine on the table, as well as his bag. He removed his coat and draped it over one of the chairs and then proceeded to fix his hair.

“Alison’s in the midst of another mental breakdown and Sarah--”

“Sarah?” Delphine interrupted.

As far as she knew, Sarah was on the run. At least, that’s what Cosima had told her. Delphine had never actually met Sarah and with Rachel and her men hunting her down, she figured the chance of seeing the British clone anytime soon was probably very slim. 

“Is she back? Do you know where she is?” Delphine inquired.

Felix shot her a glare.

“You can tell that frigid bitch that she isn’t going anywhere near my sister.”

The younger man still didn’t fully trust the doctor. Over the past few months, he had come to see that Delphine did care about Cosima in her own, complicated way; he’d be a fool to doubt that. However, she was still working for DYAD, for Rachel, which he knew was bad news. Her allegiance to DYAD was like a black cloud that followed her, constantly looming over her head with the threat of a dangerous storm. The only reason he was standing there at that moment wasn’t for Delphine, but for the slowly diminishing clone who shared a bed with her; Cosima’s weakened state meant she could no longer make trips to the institute, but Delphine could hardly sit around and do nothing. She was most effective in a lab, so she had taken to calling Felix or Alison to watch Cosima whenever she had to go into work. 

The tension between the two dissipated when the familiar sound of strangled coughing pierced the air. Delphine ran a hand through her hair, chewing on her lower lip and Felix’s entire demeanor shifted, becoming much softer.

“How is she?”

Delphine shook her head and then took a deep breath, trying hard to compose herself. Her eyes were glossy with tears and she blinked them back, refusing to succumb to the hopelessness of the situation.   
“Not well,” she said with a shaky breath.

In a rare and awkward display of sympathy towards the blonde, Felix placed a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

“I’ll take care of her. If things get worse, I’ll call.”

She nodded, then grabbed her bag. She quickly made her way back into the bedroom to say goodbye to Cosima. The brunette greeted her with a crooked smile and ragged breathing, sitting up slightly, leaning back against the headboard for support.

“I’m leaving now, _mon amour_ ,” she whispered.

Cosima nodded. The blonde leaned over, giving her girlfriend a quick peck on the lips. Felix lingered in the doorway of the bedroom, watching the two women as he held the bottle of wine loosely in one hand. Once they had finished saying their goodbyes, Delphine hurried on her way, brushing by Felix on her journey to the door. As soon as they heard it click shut, Felix held the bottle up for Cosima to see, dangling it in front of her as if it were a prize he’d just won.

“So. Drink?”

Cosima tried her best to stifle a laugh out of fear of another fit, but she couldn’t contain her smile. Alcohol and/or drugs seemed to be Felix’s solution to most of life’s problems. As things grew bleaker for her, it didn’t seem like a bad one, either. At least alcohol made sense.

“It isn’t even nine o’clock, Felix.”

He shrugged.

“Yeah, but it’s all so fucking depressing,” he replied. “If I have to wait for happy hour to come along, I’m gonna slit my wrists. May as well make our own, since no one else is gonna help us there.”

She couldn’t argue with that.

 

____________________

 

Keeping Rachel Duncan waiting was never a wise decision. As Delphine hurried towards her office, she hoped that the clone was in a forgiving mood, as she was supposed to there a half an hour ago. It seemed Cosima was rubbing off on her in more ways than she could have ever anticipated.

Through the glass, she could see Rachel typing away at her desk and she stepped into the doorway, knocking gently to get her superior’s attention. Rachel looked up from her monitor, clearly unimpressed.

“You’re late, Doctor Cormier.”

“Yes. I’m sorry. Cosima was having a difficult morning, I had to--”

“It’s fine. Come in.”

Delphine nodded nervously, stepping further into the dragon’s lair, Rachel rose from behind her desk and slowly sauntered towards the doctor, her typical poker face in tact.

“How is Cosima?” she asked.

If Delphine didn’t know the woman better, she would’ve sworn that Rachel was actually concerned for Cosima’s well-being. Her voice did nothing to indicate this, but it wasn’t in her character to inquire about others.

“Aldous told me she hasn’t been in for a couple of weeks,” Rachel added.

“The treatment... it isn’t working,” Delphine explained, tying to maintain her composure. “She’s only getting worse. Much worse.”

Rachel narrowed her eyes.

“Then she needs to be admitted. Bring her in.”

Delphine shook her head.

“I-I already asked her. I begged her. She said no.”

Rachel took a step closer to the doctor, eyes raking over the taller girl in a far too critical manner. 

“I didn’t say ask her. I said bring her.”

Delphine was afraid of this. When Rachel had insisted upon a meeting, she knew it had to be about Cosima, since that was the only thing the two had in common. For the first couple of days, Delphine was able to convince Leekie and the others that Cosima was having a particularly bad day, that she just needed some sleep before she would return to work. After two weeks, it was clear that it wasn’t just a “bad day,” but that her illness had progressed to the next stage-- the final stage. She feared that they would force her to bring Cosima in, for she knew that if it came to that, if she had to call a DYAD team or even drag the dreadlocked clone in herself, Cosima would never forgive her.

“You know,” Rachel started. “I called you in here for a reason, not just to inquire about your girlfriend’s health.”

Delphine straightened up. Rachel had called Cosima her girlfriend, not her subject or her patient, like Leekie often did. Perhaps it was because she was a subject herself, but Rachel seemed to be able to view Cosima, as well as the other clones, as more than just a sequence of numbers. She understood that they were people and she never undermined that fact. It was perhaps the only redeeming quality that Delphine could find in her.

“I took the liberty of pulling Kira Manning’s medical records. She was struck by a vehicle right before she came into our custody.”

The French woman arched an eyebrow. Cosima had never told her anything about Kira being involved in a car accident and she wondered why Rachel was bringing it up now, why it was relevant at all to Cosima’s health.

“It was a very serious accident. One that most certainly should have killed the girl. In fact, if anyone else had been in Kira’s position, they most certainly would have died.”

“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this,” Delphine said.

“Kira’s wounds-- wounds that should have been substantial and fatal-- were nothing more than scratches and bruises... scratches and bruises that have already completely healed,” Rachel explained. “It’s as if she was never in an accident at all. Remarkable, really. It spurred me to dig a little deeper into her records.”

“What are you saying?” Delphine asked hesitantly, fearing where the clone was going.

“Did you know that Kira Manning has never once been admitted to the hospital prior to her accident?”

“That’s not unusual. She’s a young girl. How many reasons could someone so young have for being in a hospital?” Delphine retorted.

“Her medical records indicate that she’s never once been sick. No chicken pox, no tonsillitis, not so much as a fever or a cold. Children are often breeding grounds for viruses, and yet the child has never had so much as the sniffles. Why do you think that is, Doctor Cormier?” Rachel asked.

“I have no idea. Kira isn’t my patient.”

“Unfortunately, we don’t have anything more concrete than what’s already in her files. Kira’s never undergone any blood tests, something I’m sure Siobhan was very careful to avoid. But from what little data we have, it would appear that Kira Manning’s healing abilities are quite... advanced.”

Delphine was silent. 

“I’m saying that the child may be our best chance at curing Cosima, Doctor Cormier.”

“You don’t know that,” Delphine said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“No, we don’t. We haven’t been able to run our own tests because the board keeps interfering, although I hope to clear things up very soon. I think once they know that Kira Manning may be the key to curing Cosima and ensuring our survival, they’ll be more than willing to allow us to run our tests.”

Delphine shook her head. It was deplorable, running invasive medical examinations on a child. At the same time, if Rachel’s theory was true, if Kira really could be the answer to Cosima’s disease, then wouldn’t it be worth it? The child wouldn’t be killed or even seriously harmed in the examinations, so wouldn’t subjecting her to a few procedures be worth it if it meant they could save the lives of their subjects, of Cosima?

“I can understand your hesitation, but you said it yourself; our treatments aren’t working and Cosima’s only getting worse. She’s running out of time, Doctor Cormier, and Kira may be her very last hope.”

Delphine expels a long, defeated sigh.

“What do you need me to do?”

“First of all, you have to bring Cosima in. Not for me, but for her own sake. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that,” Rachel said. “And more importantly, I want Sarah Manning.”

“Sarah?” Delphine asked. “I already told you, I’ve never even met her. I don’t know where she is. Neither does Cosima.”

“Are you so sure about that?”

Delphine paused.

“We have reason to believe that Sarah has been in contact with Cosima, as well as Alison Hendrix and her insufferable foster brother.”

If Rachel was telling the truth, Delphine had no idea. Cosima had kept her in the dark about her involvement with Sarah and while she understood her lover’s motives, she would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt.

“Force Cosima to lure Sarah out. Once we have Sarah, I’ll give the go ahead for our team to begin testing on Kira right away. Hopefully, they’ll find a cure in time and Cosima will be safe,” Rachel explained.

“And if they don’t find a cure in time?”

Rachel maintained her steely gaze, then simply shrugged her shoulders.

“Well.”

Delphine’s hands balled into fists at her side. If DYAD wasn’t able to manufacture some sort of treatment from the data they collected from Kira, then she would be turning Sarah over, betraying Cosima’s trust and forcing a child to undergo medical testing for nothing. 

Was it really worth the reward?

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

____________________

 

The truth bubbled in her chest like a pot of boiling water, threatening to spill over the top. She knew that if she simply asked Cosima about her involvement with Sarah, the spectacled clone would continue lying to her. She would never give her sister up, that much was certain, and without Sarah, Cosima had no hope. 

There was only one way to lure Sarah out into the open.

It had Delphine’s stomach in knots ever since she left Rachel’s office. No. Ever since she learned the truth about DYAD’s involvement in Kira’s abduction. She needed to tell Cosima everything; there were no guarantees that anything would work out and Cosima needed to know the truth. She had the right to know, even if it meant their relationship. Cosima had a right to truth and knowledge and happiness and _life_ , none of these she would ever really have with Delphine, as the doctor was slowly coming to realize.

She slid her key into the lock and twisted it, pushing the door open. She could hear Felix’s booming voice coming from the bedroom, recounting a tale about what appeared to be a very peculiar john.

“I’d only known the guy twenty minutes and he pulled out a fucking _bull whip_!” Felix exclaimed.

She could hear Cosima’s cautious laughter and she smiled to herself. She knew that in ten minutes time, there would be no more laughter. There may never be laughter again. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, allowing for Felix to finish his story. She wanted to hear Cosima’s laughter for just a little while longer.

“Oi!” she heard Felix call out after he finished with his story. “I heard the door close! We know you’re here, Jean Harlow! Come and give us a kiss!”

She obeyed, reluctantly heading over towards the bedroom. She paused in the doorway and two pairs of eyes settled on her. Felix was clearly drunk, a wide grin on his face, but Cosima’s was even wider.

“Hey,” she said. “I missed you. Come here.”

Delphine smiled weakly, walking over towards the bed. She leaned down and pressed her lips to Cosima’s, allowing them to linger for longer than was probably acceptable with Felix watching them.

“Hey! Where’s my kiss?” he interrupted.

“You don’t need a kiss. You have creepy dudes with bull whips, remember?” Cosima teased.

Felix shrugged.

“Well, when you’re right, you’re right.”

The two laughed in unison while Delphine kept a more serious demeanor. Cosima quickly picked up on this, glancing suspiciously at the blonde while Felix began to poke at her.

“Jesus. Lighten up, blondie. She’s the one who’s dying, not you.”

“I need to speak with Cosima alone,” Delphine snapped.

It came out a bit harsher than she would have liked, and as grateful as she was for Felix’s help with the entire situation, his presence was becoming a nuisance. She needed him to be gone, out of there space.

“Shit. Fine. You’re welcome, by the way,” he replied, sitting up.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just... I have to tell Cosima something really important. It can’t wait,” she tried to explain.

“Fun day at the office?” he inquired. “Did you skin any monkeys or create any more genetically modified freaks to roam about?”

“Hey now,” Cosima interjected.

“It’s... it’s about a possible treatment.”

“Really?” Cosima asked, perking up.

“Okay,” Felix said, becoming a bit more serious. “I won’t distract you. Get to saving this precious angel’s life.”

He leaned over, pressing a kiss to Cosima’s cheek. Cosima mumbled her goodbye and Felix disappeared shortly after, giving the two women their privacy. Delphine continued to stand there, staring at Cosima, taking in every detail; the hopeful glint in her eyes, the small smile stretched across her pale face, all of her warmth still radiating despite her situation.

“What’s up?”

Delphine took a seat on the edge of the bed and ran a trembling hand through her hair, taking a few shaky breaths as she prepared herself for the onslaught that was to come. There would be no coming back from this. She was certain this would be the final nail in the coffin, but if it meant that Cosima would live, then she would hammer it in herself with unworthy hands.

“There’s something you should know,” she began.

Cosima sat up so that her back was flat against the headboard, her face becoming deadly serious as she searched Delphine’s features. The last time she had seen the blonde in such a state was in her apartment when the truth had finally come out, when the French woman was begging for her trust. She knew this did not bode well.

“Delphine? What is it?” she pried.

The room became completely still, overcome by a thick silence. Even Cosima’s breathing had regulated itself, as if her body knew that the doctor’s response would be too much for her to handle in such a fragile state.

“DYAD has Kira.”

All was still again.

It took the clone a second to process the blonde’s confession. She thought that maybe she had misheard her, that now her ears had turned to poison as well. It wasn’t so hard for her to distrust her own body, since it was already failing her. The thing that terrified her the most was that she’d rather her body be the traitor than the woman she’d let far too deep under her skin, much farther than the polyps and her disease-ridden cells.

“What?”

“They’ve had her this whole time,” Delphine explained, her eyes wide and glossy.

“A-And you knew?”

She nodded.

Cosima’s head dropped, her face hidden from the doctor’s view. Delphine was biting down on her lower lip so hard, she was surprised she hadn’t drawn blood. She watched as the clone retreated into herself, into her own hollowness, like a turtle into its shell.

“ _Why do you keep doing this to me_?”

The voice that spoke did not belong to Cosima. It was much too small and much too weak and much too void of life to be Cosima’s. It was more of a whimper, like the sound a dying animal makes as it breathes its final, agonizing breaths in solitude. Delphine could feel her heart snap in two within the walls of her chest.

“Cosima--”

“ _Why do I keep letting you do this to me_?”

She leaned in closer and reached out to caress the dreadlocked girl’s face, as she often did to comfort her. She was rebutted by Cosima’s own hand which connected with her face, only in a much less loving manner. The slap was audible for miles and played on a loop, ringing in both pairs of ears. The impact, however, was relatively harmless to the blonde; she didn’t feel the sting on her face, for it was the look of utter _contempt_ and _desolation_ in Cosima’s eyes that was the source of her pain.

Everything else was nonexistent.

“You knew! You knew this whole time and you _lied_ to me!” she screamed, her voice roaring like thunder.

Cosima had not spoken so forcefully in nearly a month. Her lungs did not allow it, as they stripped her of the necessary fire. Her anger and shouting worked her into a frenzy, one that made breathing an even more impossible task. She heaved and wheezed and hacked while Delphine looked on in horror, watching splatters of blood shoot out onto the bedsheets.

“Please, _ma cherie_ , calm down!” she begged.

Not for her sake, but for Cosima’s. She tried once more to get closer to the clone, but once again, Cosima managed to swat her away with what little strength she had left. Her body may have been betraying her, but her will certainly wasn’t.

“Don’t touch me! Get away!”

She threw her feet over the side of the bed while still struggling for air.

“Cosima, please--”

“Just shut up!”

She was on her feet again, but only momentarily, as she went stumbling forward and fell to the ground, landing on her knees. She used the palms of her hands to brace the impact and she continued coughing violently, her body nearly seizing as she was hunched over on the bedroom floor.

“ _Cosima_!”

Delphine was on her in an instant, wrapping her arms around her waist in an attempt to pull her into a sitting position, but Cosima continued to writhe and struggle against her touch. She forced the blonde to be more aggressive than she would have liked and she pulled Cosima into her, falling backwards herself until the brunette was sitting in her lap. She maintained a tight grip around Cosima’s waist, holding her in position until the clone eventually lost the strength to fight back. The coughing eventually slowed before ceasing, but her body continued to jerk and tremble and that’s when Delphine noticed that the hacking fit had evolved into heavy, messy sobs. She buried her face into Cosima’s dreads and hushed her gently, trying to calm her down to prevent any further strain. The sound of a single, strangled word between sobs echoed through the air, repeated as a mantra while Delphine rocked the smaller girl back and forth.

“ _Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?_ ”

“I didn’t have a choice, Cosima,” she whispered into her ear.

Cosima brought her hand to her face, brushing away the tears and snot, attempting to scrub away the weakness, as if her life had become an etch-a-sketch.

“You know,” the brunette began, her voice low and coarse. “You keep saying that. But the truth is, Delphine, that there’s always a choice. You just seem to always make the most fucked up one.”

She tried to pull herself back onto her feet, but found it impossible to do on her own. As much as she despised her monitor’s touch at the moment, she knew she required her assistance, so she allowed Delphine to help her up and back into the bed.

“She told me if I told you, she’d shut down our research,” Delphine explained, tears descending one by one down the contours of her face, burning blisters in her skin. “I couldn’t watch you die.”

Cosima began to laugh and it was a sound that rattled the blonde; it wasn’t the playful laughter that was so characteristic of the quirky girl, it was something much darker, something which she had never seen or heard before, despite the fact that she had grown to learn most everything about Cosima in the months since she’d become her monitor.

“Take a look, Delphine,” she said, throwing her hands up in the air. 

Defeated. 

“I’m already dead.”

Delphine shook her head rapidly, her eyes blurring and stinging, choking on the sound of a sob that she tried far too hard to stifle.

“ _No... no... no_! We don’t know that! It isn’t over--”

“We’ve tried everything! Leekie’s team spent eight months running tests on Jennifer and we’ve spent the last three trying to think of everything they could have missed! Nothing’s working!”

“ _Please_ ,” Delphine begged. 

She reached forward, taking Cosima’s hands in hers. The brunette tried to pull away from her grip, but Delphine held her too tightly. Instead, she simply averted her gaze, staring off to the side, focusing on the wall.

“Please don’t say that,” she repeated.

“What else is there to say?” Cosima asked, her voice cracking “You know. Deep down, you _have_ to know.”

Delphine continued to shake her head, trapped in a fit of denial. Her body fell forward, collapsing in a pile in Cosima’s lap. The clone scoffed. She wanted to push her monitor away, but the full weight of her was too much for her to handle in her weakened state, so she allowed Delphine to remain in a pathetic heap.

“No... you’re wrong... it can’t be true,” Delphine whispered into her thighs.

“Why not?”

Delphine removed her head from Cosima’s lap, looking up to meet the brunette’s gaze. Her eyes were wide and red and full of terror and Cosima had never seen such an expression before, not on Delphine, not on anybody. She didn’t recognize it. 

But then, no one had ever loved her like Delphine. 

“Because I _need_ you!”

Cosima inhaled a shaky breath, her lip quivering and eyes welling with tears, once again. God, she hated herself for allowing Delphine to reduce her to such a state of raw emotion. She was a scientist, a thinker, a brain; she used her mind to make sense of the world around her, but when it came to Delphine, her brain was the very last organ she used to love her with.

“Where is Kira right now?” she asked.

“I’m not sure. Rachel has her somewhere, she didn’t tell me,” Delphine replied. “Did you know that Kira was in a car accident?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“She miraculously survived. Her body managed to heal it--”

“ _No_.”

She already knew where Delphine was going and she shut the blonde down before the words could even leave her mouth.

“Cosima--”

“No!”

She finally mustered the strength to push Delphine from her lap and roll away from her on the bed.

“I already know what you’re gonna say and the answer is no! She’s just a little girl, I’m not gonna turn her into a lab rat, too! How could you even consider it?”

Delphine’s eyes grew dark.

“How could I not?”

Because what wouldn’t she do to give Cosima even one more day of life? What wouldn’t she do for the person who’d bled into every aspect of her life, every aspect of her being? If anything, it was an act of self preservation, for she knew without Cosima, she would cease to be.

“ _Who are you_?” Cosima asked, staring at her in disgust.

“I’m a your monitor,” Delphine said seriously. “Your guardian. It’s my job to protect you. But above all that, I’m your lover, and it’s my job to love you.”

Cosima crossed her arms over her chest, shaking her head, clamping her eyes shut. She tried to ignore the blonde’s words, to block them out; she wanted to be immune to them, but she realized that she never would be, so she reached for her phone instead.

“Make this right.”

Delphine used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away her tears and running makeup. Cosima handed her phone to Delphine and the blonde reached out, retrieving it from her. She stared at the screen, Sarah’s name displayed in bold letters. She looked up to Cosima, confused.

“You have to make this right. Now. While you still can,” the brunette told her.

“Cosima--”

“If you really do love me,” Cosima interrupted. “If anything you said is even remotely true, then you’ll make this right.”

Delphine swallowed the lump in her throat, sitting up straighter. She nodded and gave the clone a small smile, but Cosima did not return it. In fact, the brunette looked away completely, unable to face Delphine anymore. The doctor pressed the ‘talk’ button and brought the phone to her ear.

“Sarah?”


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's Notes:** It's aliiiiiiiiive! So it's been forever since I've updated this fic, but I definitely haven't forgotten about it. The truth is, I had it pretty much finished and then I somehow lost the file, which was extremely frustrating. I'm kind of a perfectionist and I was pretty happy with how it originally turned out, so I tried my best to replicate it, but I couldn't quite capture what I did the first time, so I kept delaying working on this piece. I feel like I've finally found the groove again, so here it is! Keep in mind, I conceptualized/originally finished this piece long before season two came to a close, so obviously it isn't exactly canon. Anyway, I'm super sorry for not updating for a few months, but I do plan on finishing this, so thanks for sticking with me :)

She stood at the very bottom of a series of stone steps, glancing back and forth periodically to search for any familiar faces. There seemed to be nothing but local traffic, as well as a few runners and dog walkers. The blonde checked her watch, making sure the time was right; she was a little early, but then it was always better to be early than late, contrary to what Cosima believed.

After speaking with a furious Sarah on the phone, they agreed to meet at Casa Loma, a neutral and public space where Sarah didn’t feel threatened. Delphine waited nervously, chewing on her bottom lip. There was still no sign of Sarah. Even though she’d never met the punk herself, she was well acquainted with her face so she knew she would have spotted her by now if she were in the area. She folded her arms over her chest and expelled a long sigh, deciding to wait a little longer.

She checked her watch again. Sarah was supposed to meet her thirty minutes ago. She wondered if lateness was a genetic predisposition, or if the clone really had no intention of showing up. She reached into her bag, retrieving her phone, preparing to call Cosima with the news. That’s when she felt a hand grab her roughly around the waist and something dig into her back.

“Walk. Now. Up the stairs.”

She swallowed hard, putting her phone back in her bag. She didn’t have to turn around to know who it was, for the rough British accent gave her away. She followed Sarah’s instructions, walking up the steps as quickly as she could without tripping. When she finally reached the top, Sarah forced her into the parking lot of the mansion, where there was more cover and no bystanders.

“Sarah,” she said, finally turning around to face her when they came to a stop.

Delphine was met by a backhand to the face, stunning her and causing her to stumble backwards a few steps. When she regained her footing, she brought her hand to her cheek, resting it on the flesh that would most likely scream light greens and dark purples in a few hours. Her eyes were wide, taking in every detail of the frenzied brunette; she looked as though she had been living in the woods, with wild hair and disheveled clothes, not to mention a look of fear and anger in her eyes.

“I... deserved that,” Delphine admitted.

“You’re bloody right you did! You deserve a lot more than just a smack, but since Cosima and I both need you, I’m giving you a get out of jail free card, you hear me?” Sarah snapped.

Delphine nodded in understanding.

“Where the hell is my daughter?”

“Rachel has her,” the blonde confessed.

“Where?”

“I’m not sure. She didn’t tell me. I don’t have access to that kind of information.”

Sarah sighed angrily.

“Then what the bloody hell are you good for?”

Delphine was silent, eyes falling to her feet. Sarah stepped in closer, pushing herself into the doctor’s space and despite her great height disadvantage, she still managed to intimidate the willowy European.

“If those psychopaths have touched one hair on my daughter’s head, I’m holding you personally responsible.”

“I’m sorry!” Delphine replied. “I never wanted Kira to get wrapped up in this! I didn’t know what else to do!”

“How about telling the truth?” Sarah retorted without missing a beat. “That would be a good start.”

“Rachel told me that if I said anything, she would stop Cosima’s treatment. I couldn’t risk Cosima’s life. I know Kira’s just a child, but I knew they wouldn’t hurt her. She’s much too valuable. I figured Cosima was in more immediate danger, so I made a decision.”

Sarah scoffed.

“I want to help you, Sarah.”

“And how are you going to do that? You don’t know shit about where they’re keeping Kira.”

“Yes, but there may be a way to find out.”

Sarah ran her eyes over the blonde suspiciously, giving her a once over.

“Keep talking.”

The corners of Delphine’s mouth upturned slightly into a small smile and she nodded.

“Like I said, I don’t have access to that kind of information. However, perhaps someone within Rachel’s entourage might be able to gain access to her files.”

“Rachel’s entourage?” Sarah asked, confused.

“Cosima told me that your monitor is now working with Rachel,” Delphine clarified.

“Paul? You really think Paul’s gonna help me?”

“It’s our best chance,” Delphine said. “Cosima also told me that you two were... close.”

“Yeah, well, not anymore. He’s working for that bitch now and as far as I’m concerned, she can keep him,” she spat.

“Sarah, Rachel hasn’t been able to find you yet. She has an entire DYAD team at her disposal, led by Paul, and she still hasn’t been able to find you. Doesn’t that seem a little strange to you?”

Sarah shuffled back and forth uncomfortably.

“He must still care for you,” Delphine added. “That’s why he hasn’t captured you yet. With all of DYAD’s resources, he should have easily been able to find you by now. He must be purposely interfering.”

“Are you honestly suggesting that I call Paul?” Sarah replied, as if Delphine was speaking madness.

“I am.”

Delphine watched as the gears began spinning in Sarah’s head. She was desperate, a woman on the edge. She had exhausted nearly every other option and was finally coming to realize that Delphine’s suggestion may have been her only remaining hope if she ever wanted to see her daughter again.

“How does this play out in your mind, Doc?” Sarah pressed.

“Rachel is very calculated. She’s most likely watching Paul closely, so meeting him in person will be too difficult. He does have access to her office though. Perhaps if he can get her away from her computer, he can download her files.”

“Yeah, and then what? Paul doesn’t know what he’s looking for and, like you said, he can’t as well just come and meet me.”

“Tell him to pass the data onto me. Rachel won’t suspect it,” Delphine answered. “The last thing she suspects is you and I working together. In fact, she expects me to capture you.”

“Is that right? Why does she expect that?”

“Because I told her I would.”

Sarah glared at her, a lioness ready to pounce. 

“Cosima...,” Delphine began. “The treatments aren’t working. Cosima won’t last much longer and Rachel knows this. She also knows that Kira has incredible healing capabilities. She promised me that if I brought you in, should would use Kira to find a cure for Cosima’s illness.”

“You lying twat!” she shouted.

“I’m not going to do that!” Delphine retorted. “I won’t lie, Sarah. I thought about it. Kira may be Cosima’s last hope, but then when I went to Cosima with this, she refused to take part in it.”

The more she talked about Cosima and her deteriorating health, the more her spirits began to fall. There was a somber tone to her now, one that Sarah very easily picked up on. She felt nothing but contempt for the woman standing before her, but it was clear that Cosima’s wellbeing was her primary concern.

“Do you really think that Kira could help cure Cosima?” Sarah asked, changing gears.

Delphine shrugged, biting on her lower lip.

“I don’t know. It’s possible. Kira is an anomaly. She could be the answer to all of this, but it would require further testing.”

Sarah became quiet, considering Delphine’s words. She hated the idea of subjecting her child to any sort of testing, but if it was Cosima’s only chance at survival, was there really an option? She knew only two things; first, she couldn’t let Cosima die and second, she had to get her daughter back. It all came back to Kira and finding her as quickly as possible.

“I’ll call Paul,” Sarah finally spoke, breaking the silence. “If he decides to help, I’ll let Cosima know. Then he can pass whatever he finds onto you.”

Delphine nodded.

And as quickly as she appeared, like a ravenous north wind blowing through the land with fury, Sarah vanished again. Delphine let her leave, watching as her shape slowly shrunk and eventually faded from her field of vision. 

She had to get back to Cosima and fill her in on the plan.

____________________

 

When she arrived back at their apartment, she was met by coldness. She was certain Cosima had heard the door open and close upon her entering, there was even a break in whatever conversation she was having with Alison, who was watching her today. After the momentary pause to acknowledge Delphine’s presence, Cosima went back to speaking with her counterpart as if they were completely alone.

“Cosima?” Delphine called out.

There was another brief respite upon hearing her name being called, but once again, Cosima went back to speaking with Alison. Delphine expelled a muted sigh of frustration and headed into the bedroom where the two were.

“Oh. Hello, Delphine. We didn’t hear you--”

“Yes we did,” Cosima said. “We’re just ignoring you.”

“Cosima!” Alison scolded. “Don’t you think you’re being a little--”

“No.”

Alison sighed, then tried her best to offer Delphine a smile.

“I’ll leave you two alone.”

“That’s not necessary,” Cosima replied, mustering her best cut eye.

Delphine shook her head.

“Cosima, I--”

“I don’t want to be alone with you. I have nothing to say to you,” she said firmly.

Ignoring her dreadlocked counterpart's protests, Alison quickly scurried out of the room to escape the icy tension that was making it nearly impossible to breathe. Cosima crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her head to stare at the wall, refusing to give Delphine even a glance.

“Cosima, please. We need to talk,” Delphine begged.

“I told you, I have nothing to say to you.”

“Well, I have a lot to say.”

“Nothing I want to hear.”

She ran a hand through her hair, trying to maintain her patience. She knew Cosima’s anger was warranted, but things were happening so fast, they couldn’t afford to be at odds with one another. They both needed each other now more than ever.

“I met with Sarah.”

“Oh. Did you rat her out to Leekie? Or was it Rachel?”

“I didn’t do anything like that,” Delphine answered.

“That would be a first.”

“Please!” Delphine finally exploded. “We have a plan, but I need you to stop being angry and work with me, Cosima!”

Cosima finally relented, turning to make eye contact. Her gaze was deep and penetrating, with a death-like seriousness. Delphine shifted uncomfortably under it, attempting to shoulder its full weight.

“We’re going to get Kira back,” Delphine said, the tone of her voice matching Cosima’s gaze.

“How?”

“There may be a way to find out where Kira’s being held. We just need to wait for Sarah to come through. She said she would call you if she was successful. Hopefully you’ll hear from her very soon.”

“I really hope so, too. For your sake.”

Delphine bowed her head, finally breaking under the weight of Cosima’s malice towards her. By some act of God, Alison miraculously appeared in the bedroom once again to try and diffuse the situation.

“I made some tea. Would you like some, Cosima?” she asked.

“Sure. Sounds great,” the scientist replied through gritted teeth.

“How about you, Delphine?”

Delphine forced a smile, nodding at the gesture of kindness. She followed Alison back into the kitchen, where the housewife proceeded to pour three mugs full of chamomile tea. As the bags steeped, Delphine tried to think of something to say to Alison; Cosima had certainly filled her in on the situation so she didn’t expect any sympathy.

“Thank you for taking care of Cosima,” she said softly.

“You really hurt Cosima, you know.”

Delphine’s lower lip trembled. Once again, she bowed her head like a puppy being scolded.

“I know why you did it. I know you care about Cosima and everything, but... how can she ever trust you again?” Alison asked.

“I... I hope she’ll give me a chance to prove myself,” Delphine replied.

“Rescuing Kira and Siobhan is a good way to start.”

Delphine nodded in response. Then, suddenly, gears began turning in her head, as if she realized something she hadn’t really noticed before.

“Siobhan is Sarah’s foster mother, right?” she asked.

Alison nodded, adding a squirt of honey to Cosima’s tea.

“And she’s being held with Kira?”

“Well, we all kind of assumed. She disappeared with Kira and Sarah or Felix haven’t heard from her.”

“Rachel mentioned something about Siobhan, but she didn’t say whether or not Siobhan was with Kira.”

“That seems kind of odd,” Alison remarked.

“Rachel... she spoke about Sarah’s foster mother like she knew her.”

“Does she?”

“I’m not sure. Perhaps?”

“I don’t think Siobhan Sadler is the kind of person who would associate with someone like Rachel.”

“Sadler?” Delphine asked.

“Yes, that’s right.”

The blonde grew quiet, thoughtful. She was certain she had heard that name before, although she couldn’t remember where. As she raked her mind for a potential answer, Alison headed back into the bedroom to bring Cosima her tea. Delphine eventually followed, still lost in thought.

“What’s wrong, Delphine?” Alison asked, sipping on her tea.

Cosima tried to feign disinterest, but she couldn’t hide her curious expression.

“I’m sure I’ve heard that name before,” Delphine explained.

“Siobhan?” 

“No, Sadler. I know I’ve heard it before.”

Before anyone had a chance to speak another word, the blonde retreated back into the living room, grabbing her laptop bag off the hanger. She retrieved her laptop, taking a seat on the couch as she waited for it to start up.

“What are you doing?” Cosima called from the bedroom.

Alison was lingering in the doorway, curiously watching the blonde as she typed away. She was sure she had come across that name a few times, before she had met Cosima. It had something to do with DYAD, she was certain.

“What does Siobhan have to do with all of this?” Alison asked.

“I’m not sure, but I know--”

She stopped, having finally found what she was looking for.

“Alastair Sadler,” she read. 

“Who’s that?” she could hear Cosima ask.

She picked up the laptop, hurrying back into the bedroom.

“Alastair Sadler. He was one of the founding members of DYAD,” Delphine explained.

“That can’t be a coincidence, can it?” Alison asked.

Delphine perched on the side of the bed next to Cosima so the clone could see the screen. Her eyes scanned it thoroughly and she sat up a little straighter.

“He died in the early 90s,” Cosima read aloud. “Doesn’t say how.”

Cosima grabbed the laptop from Delphine, now completely invested in the doctor’s discovery. She was quiet for several minutes while she searched for more information, Delphine sitting by silently, waiting for permission to speak.

“It says here he had a child. A daughter,” Cosima said.

“Siobhan,” Delphine mumbled.

“Does Sarah know about this?” Alison asked, setting her tea down.

“I doubt it. Why would she?” Cosima answered.

“So, if Siobhan is this man’s daughter, do you think that has something to do with why she was taken with Kira?” Alison asked.

“I remember,” Delphine began. “When I first found out about Rachel’s involvement in Kira’s abduction, I remember she was speaking about someone. She wanted to begin testing on Kira, but she said that a woman was impeding her progress.”

“Siobhan,” Cosima said.

“But how does Siobhan have any sway over Rachel?” Alison continued.

“Not over Rachel, exactly,” Delphine said. “The board. DYAD is run by a board, Rachel and even Leekie are still accountable to them. She must have some influence.”

“Well, if her dad was one of the founders of the entire company, that might have something to do with it,” Cosima suggested. 

As they pondered over Delphine’s discovery, the familiar ringtone of Cosima’s clone phone began to fill the room. Alison retrieved it for her and held it out to Cosima, Sarah’s name on the screen. Cosima accepted it, bringing it to her ear.

“Hey, Sarah.”

“How are you doing, Cos?” she heard her sister ask, genuinely concerned.

Cosima smiled.

“Meh. I’ve been better, but I’m still alive. Can’t complain too much, huh?”

She could hear Sarah chuckle on the other side.

“Look, I know this is a weird question, but is Delphine there?” 

Cosima’s eyes rose, meeting the blonde.

“Yeah. She’s sitting right here,” Cosima confirmed.

“Tell her the plan’s on. Paul’s in.”

“Alright. I will.”

“I gotta go, Cos. Trying to lay low and all that shite. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Stay safe, Sarah.”

“You, too.”

With that, the line went silent. Cosima placed the phone on the bed, then met Delphine’s gaze.

“She says that the plan is ready to go, that Paul’s in on it, whatever that means.”

Delphine smiled.

“What, exactly, is this plan?” Cosima finally conceded.

Alison nodded along, curious. With Cosima finally willing to hear her out, Delphine went about explaining her conversation with Sarah earlier, how they were going to try to find where Rachel was keeping Kira and how Paul was going to help them. While the ailing scientist was skeptical of the idea, she really didn’t have a better one to offer, so she accepted it and with Cosima and Delphine finally speaking again, Alison took her leave and left the estranged lovers to their own devices.

It was a fairly quiet night; even though Cosima was acknowledging her presence, her pain and agitation were still very obvious, encapsulated in the stern, single word answers she would give her monitor when asked a question. Delphine gave up on trying to make conversation, instead deciding to be grateful that Cosima was speaking to her at all. She watched discreetly from overtop her laptop screen in the chair in the corner of their bedroom as Cosima flipped through the pages of her worn down copy of the Origin of Species, eventually becoming too tired to continue. The blonde smiled to herself as she watched the brunette struggle to keep her eyes open, to keep reading and learning and interacting with the world around her, but her illness was taking its tole and she lost her battle against sleep. When she was certain Cosima was sleeping soundly, she got up, walking over to her lover and removing her glasses for her face, folding them and resting them on the nightstand, along with her book. She pulled the blankets up a little higher, covering her small frame completely. She then made her way to the closet, shuffling around and searching for the spare set of sheets she knew were hidden somewhere in the back.

“What are you doing?” the clone mumbled through her haze of sleep.

“Go back to sleep,” Delphine instructed.

Cosima sat up, squinting, trying to make sense of the blonde’s actions.

“What are you looking for?” she tried again.

“The spare set of sheets. I know they’re back here somewhere,” the doctor explained.

“Why?” Cosima asked.

“For the couch,” Delphine replied. “I’ll... I’ll sleep there tonight.”

The room became painfully silent. Delphine paused, abandoning her search momentarily to meet Cosima’s gaze, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Cosima narrowed her eyes in her direction, considering her. Sighing, Delphine returned to the task at hand.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Cosima told her.

“ _Pardon_ ?” Delphine asked.

“You’re not sleeping on the couch.”

“It’s fine,” the French woman replied. “You want your space, I’ll be just outside if you need me.”

“Stop it,” Cosima warned. “Stop being such a lost little puppy and just get in the damn bed.”

Delphine finally stopped and smiled to herself. She nodded, sliding in next to the clone. She was careful not to touch her, as Cosima repositioning herself so that her back was to the doctor was sign enough that she wasn’t quite ready to let her monitor touch her in such a way again. They lay like that, back to back, until Cosima eventually drifted back into sleep without another word and Delphine lay quietly, listening, counting each and every shallow breath she took.

 

____________________

 

It was Felix’s turn to watch Cosima that morning and he was strangely on time for once. Delphine had received an e-mail from Rachel demanding a meeting, the topic of which she knew would be Cosima. As she rode the elevator up to Rachel’s office, she tried to hide her nervousness. The plan had been set in motion and she had a role to play; if Rachel suspected anything, their only chance at getting Kira back was gone.

She waited until Rachel’s secretary gave her permission to enter and when she did, the elite clone was sitting behind her desk, Paul standing behind her. Delphine immediately locked eyes with the finely-chiseled man. He wore a stoic, slightly intimidating expression and the blonde did her best to disregard him for the time being.

“Where is Cosima?” Rachel asked.

“At home.”

“And why is she there?”

The British clone stood, stalking around to the front of her desk to get closer to the doctor. Paul remained planted firmly in place, watching, calculating.

“I thought I gave you specific instructions to bring her in,” Rachel reiterated.

“I tried. She wouldn’t listen. Cosima is very stubborn,” Delphine explained.

“If that’s the case, then I’ll send a team to retrieve her.”

Rachel reached for her phone, but before she could grab it, Delphine piped up.

“No! Please just give me more time!”

Rachel stopped, standing up a little straighter. She adjusted her dress and took a few steps even closer, until she was uncomfortably close to the scientist.

“You’re out of time, Doctor Cormier. You both are,” she said, her voice low and dangerous.

“I know,” Delphine agreed. “But... but I can bring you Sarah.”

Her offer immediately piqued the clone’s interest. She cocked her head and waited for Delphine for continue. Paul did the same.

“You were right. Cosima has been in contact with her. They’re supposed to meet tonight,” she lied.

“Where?”

Delphine sighed.

“Promise me you won’t force Cosima to come in.”

“Fine. Done,” Rachel agreed dismissively. “Now, where are they meeting?”

“At Sarah’s foster brother’s house,” she said, throwing another lie out there. “Sarah feels safe there and Cosima is too ill to travel far.”

Rachel nodded, smiling, pleased. She directed her attention over to Paul.

“I’ll have Paul here collect Sarah,” she explained.

Paul nodded.

Delphine bit down even harder on her lip.

“That will be all. Paul, please escort Doctor Cormier out of my office.”

Paul stepped forward from his steady position, walking towards the French woman. He placed a hand gently on the small of her back as he walked her to the door and proceeded to guide her down the hallway. Once they reached the elevators, she felt him slip a flash drive into her hand.

“Good luck,” he whispered, his voice low and gruff.

He retreated back to his master while Delphine entered the elevator and discreetly slipped the drive into her pocket. As the doors closed and she rode the contraption down, she found herself unable to contain her grin.


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's Note:** Yay for updates! Didn't mean for it to take so long, but once again, life likes to get in the way, especially when I'm working on this particular fic. Thank you all for your comments and responses. I'm glad so many of you are still enjoying this fic and are still sticking with it. I don't imagine it will be much longer, maybe four or five more chapters, depending on how long each of them are. I originally intended for this piece to only be about five chapters, but things became a little more intricate than I intended; it was only supposed to focus on Cosima and Delphine's relationship and suddenly, I found myself throwing way more plot than I had anticipated. I feel like it makes for a better read though. Anyway, enjoy! :)

She sat alone in their lab with a blanket draped over her shoulders as she huddled over the screen, her vision blurry from staring at its glow for so long. She clamped her eyes shut and rubbed them furiously, trying to erase the bleariness from them. As she took a deep breath to compose herself and refocus her attention to the characters on the screen, she caught a scent so distinct, she couldn’t possibly ignore it. She pressed her nose to the blanket, inhaling deeply once again. It had been weeks since Cosima had set foot in their lab, but her presence still lingered; it clung to the fibers of the blanket that cloaked her, to the ridiculous mug that lay forgotten on the table, aware of its own emptiness (the one with the caffeine molecule painted on the side that she insisted was a gift from an old college friend), to the lonely moccasins with no feet to warm, no halls to wander. She was everywhere and yet nowhere to be seen.

The data Paul had passed on to her had been a complete bust so far. There was no mention of Kira or Siobhan anywhere, no unusual tests being run or projects being launched. Even though it looked bleak, she couldn’t give up. She had made a promise to both Sarah and Cosima that she would make things right and she was determined to uphold it, even if it meant her sanity. She had resigned herself to the fact that she would be there searching well into the night, perhaps into the next day, when suddenly, as if by an act of God, something of interest managed to catch her eye. She clicked on the file, opening and expanding it so it was easier to read.

“ _Merde._ Of course,” she mumbled, mentally smacking herself in the head.

Property records.

The one thing she hadn’t thought to check, the one thing that could hold the key to Kira’s whereabouts. She was certain the child wasn’t being held within the institute, as that sort of thing would have been difficult to conceal for so many months. Wherever Kira and Siobhan were being held, it needed to be somewhere private; Rachel wouldn’t risk stashing them away somewhere where they could be spotted. If Sarah or the police hadn’t found either of them yet, it was safe to assume the woman and child were being closely monitored somewhere isolated. 

As she continued to scan through the records, she found one thing that stood out; a recently purchased summer home. It didn’t make much sense to the blonde, as most of DYAD’s properties functioned as research facilities, so a house in cottage country was a far cry from the norm. What purpose would the company have for a summer home? As she examined it closer, she could see that Rachel’s name was listed on it, her signature right below. She had been the one to make the purchase months ago, just before Kira went missing. It seemed to all fit; it was isolated and certainly large enough to hold Kira and Siobhan and whoever else was watching them. At this time of year, most of the cottagers had abandoned their summer homes and returned to the city. 

She made note of the address on a piece of paper, slipping it into the pocket of her coat. She packed up her laptop, along with the rest of her belongings. She needed to get back to Cosima right away, to share her discovery. More importantly, she needed to contact Sarah and the only way she could do that was through Cosima. She had spent the entire day in the subterranean lab and even though she couldn’t see the sky, she was certain it must have been dark by now. She didn’t like to leave Cosima for too long if she could help it, even if Felix or Alison were there to watch her and the brunette spent most of the day sleeping anyway. Each day was becoming more crucial than the last, each moment a little more uncertain. It churned her stomach and pounded against her ribcage until it nearly made her sick. The only temporary relief she seemed to find was when she finally had Cosima in her sight again; even though the clone had been giving her the cold shoulder for the last few days, wincing at her touch and shrugging out of her grasp, merely being in her presence was enough.

At least, that’s what she liked to believe.

 

____________________

 

She was met by the sound of nightmares upon opening the door.

She immediately dropped her bag and rushed into the bedroom. She could hear the panicked cries from the hallway of their apartment complex, the horrible hacking and gurgling as soon as she forced the door open; it was like a drowning animal trying desperately to keep its head above the water. A river of red flowed steadily from the clone’s mouth while Felix hunched over her, crying her name out over and over. Her body quaked violently, rocking the entire bed despite his best attempts to steady her. She rushed to Cosima’s side, roughly shoving the young man away as she gripped the brunette tightly, pulling her close to her chest.

“Why didn’t you call me?” she screamed.

The young Brit was bewildered, overcome by shock and fear. His hands were trembling almost as bad as Cosima and he stuttered over his words, trying to reply.

“Don’t just stand there!” Delphine bellowed. “Call an ambulance!”

He nodded, darting out of the room.

“Cosima!” she cried, cradling the smaller girl in her arms. “Cosima, can you hear me?”

Even if she could, the convulsions made it impossible for the clone to answer. They continued on for another minute or so before they finally subsided, leaving the brunette exhausted and gasping for air. Delphine shifted Cosima’s head so that she could gaze directly into her eyes in an attempt to comfort her, but there was no semblance of recognition in the brunette’s darkened orbs; her lids fluttered erratically, her pupils dilated and unable to focus. Her lips were moving softly, as if she were trying to whisper a secret, only no words followed. 

“Come back to me, Cosima! Come back!” she coaxed, her voice cracking.

She was unaware of her own tears at this point and oblivious to the younger man standing over them, screaming that an ambulance was on its way. She stroked the shorter girl’s face gently, hushing her, until finally she saw a tiny light come back on, the faintest of sparkles in Cosima’s eyes.

“It’s okay. I’m here. You’re going to be okay,” she cooed, reassuring the clone.

She felt the quirky girl’s fingers wrap around her wrist, squeezing gently in her weakened state and she smiled at Cosima’s semi-responsiveness. She brought Cosima’s hand to her face, kissing her palm.

“Stay with me, okay?” she begged, trying once again to offer Cosima a reassuring smile through the tears.

The brunette tried to nod, but her head was far too heavy. All she could do now was allow herself to be held as they waited for the ambulance. It didn’t take very long for it to arrive and before any of them knew what was happening, two men were in their apartment and rushing to Cosima.

“Ma’am,” one said firmly, placing a hand on Delphine’s shoulder. “Ma’am, you’ll need to step aside.”

“It’s okay,” she told them. “She needs me... it’s okay...”

The other man was rifling through a kit.

“I know it’s hard, but you have to let us do our jobs,” he tried to persuade her. “She needs our help now.”

“I-I-I’m a doctor. I’m... I’m more familiar with her condition than anybody...,” she explained.

“That’s good. You’ll be able to help us, then. Why don’t you come over here with me while my partner takes a look at your friend, okay?”

“Girlfriend!” Delphine snapped, correcting his mistake. “She’s my... she’s my...”

_Everything._

She looked over to Felix, her chest heaving, her eyes wide. He gave her a reassuring nod. She looked down to the woman in her arms and was met by a weak smile.

“I’m fine,” she said through a strangled breath, her voice hoarse and painful. “Okay... I guess I’m not really fine... but...”

The blonde’s breathing was almost as unpredictable as Cosima’s now. As a doctor, it wasn’t difficult to read her own symptoms; she was in shock, trapped in a bout of hyperventilation, and yet she somehow still couldn’t rationalize it. She slowly released her grip on Cosima as one of the paramedics moved in, checking her vitals. The other ushered her into the living room, asking her a series of questions that fell on deaf ears.

“Ma’am?” he asked again. “Did you hear me?”

She nodded.

A blatant lie.

He proceeded to speak, meaningless words spewing from his mouth like an endless roll of thread. Felix eventually stepped in, doing his best to answer the paramedic’s questions himself. She sat on the couch, burying her face in her hands. 

She wept.

She didn’t stop until they were moving Cosima out of their apartment on a stretcher. Felix’s soothing voice managed to pull her from her stupor.

“You need to go with her,” he instructed. “She needs you now.”

Delphine nodded.

“ _O-Oui_... she does.”

“I’ll be right behind you, okay?”

Time flowed differently for the next several minutes, alternating between freeze frames and quantum bursts until they finally reached the hospital. Cosima was conscious, but hardly responsive; she struggled for breath, gulping in maskfuls of oxygen when her gargling lungs would allow her. Her vitals were weak and she was barely able to maintain her grip on Delphine’s hand as the blonde squeezed tightly, tethering her to the world. The clone was rushed down a long, white hallway as her monitor followed faithfully beside her until, finally, a nurse barred her path.

“I’m sorry, but this is as far as you can go,” she said.

“B-But--”

“The doctor needs to examine her. He’ll let you know when she’s stable enough for visitors,” the woman tried to explain.

“But I _am_ a doctor!” Delphine protested.

“Then you understand how this works. Please be patient.”

_Then you understand how this works._

In theory she did, but then theories never seemed to apply to them. 

In theory, she would wait there until they were finally able to stabilize Cosima with some cocktail of drugs. In theory, she would quietly slink into her hospital room as the steady, beeping machines bound Cosima to her life. In theory, she would sit there until the drugs and machines started failing, one by one, just like Cosima’s organs, all the while softly stroking her hair. And in theory she would watch as the last bit of light in the brunette’s eyes faded away. 

In theory, this was the end, and while the doctor in her could rationalize it, she somehow couldn’t bring herself to believe it.

She backed up until her back was pressed firmly against the wall, slumping to the ground. She buried her face in her hands and tried to steady her own lungs. She was breathing for the both of them now.

“Hey,” she heard a familiar voice coo.

She looked up to see Felix standing there, his eyes shining with sympathy.

“Cosima is...”

Unable to finish the sentence, she pointed to the door where the doctors had pushed her through only moments before. He nodded in understanding, then slowly sunk down next to her. The two of them weren’t close; it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that there was nothing but mistrust and contempt between them, at least on his part, and yet he slung an arm around her neck and released a shaky breath to mirror her own.

“We’re going to figure this out, okay? Cosima will be okay,” he told her.

She smiled at his naiveté , but accepted it anyway.

“Sarah will fix this.”

Delphine’s head perked up at the mention of Sarah’s name. She had been so wrapped up in Cosima that she had forgotten the entire reason why she went rushing home to her in the first place.

“You... you spoke to Sarah?”

“I called her right after you guys left. I told her what happened. She said she has a plan, that Cosima just needs to hang tight for a little longer.”

“A plan? What plan?”

Felix shrugged.

“My sister’s always been a bit murky on the details.”

She clutched Felix’s bicep, catching the slender man off guard. She stared up at him with wide and pleading eyes and he squirmed.

“I need to speak to Sarah right now,” she said.

“Now?” he asked. “Can’t it wait? I mean--”

“I know where Kira is. I need to speak with her now.”

At the mention of his niece’s name, Felix immediately sobered up, reaching into the pocket of his trench coat and retrieving his clone phone. He pulled up Sarah’s number and watched as her name blinked on the screen while the device dialed.

“Here.”

He handed the phone to the blonde, who managed to somehow pull herself up onto her wobbly legs. It rang a few times before the other line finally became active.

“Fee?” she heard. “What’s wrong? Don’t tell me Cosima--”

“ _Non,_ it’s me.”

There was a pause.

“Delphine? What’s going on? Where’s Fee? Where’s Cos? I’m coming back.”

“You can’t do that,” Delphine instructed. “Not just yet.”

“I’m not gonna stay here hiding while everything’s going to shit, yeah? Cosima needs me.”

“You’re right. Cosima needs you. And if you come back now, DYAD will capture you and lock you away. Then you won’t be able to help anyone.”

Sarah grew silent, acknowledging the blonde’s words.

“I think I know where Kira’s being held.”

“What? Where?”

She reached into her pocket, retrieving the address she had scribbled down earlier and reading it out over the phone.

“I don’t know for certain, but it fits.”

“A lead’s a lead. It’s more than I’ve got to go on right now,” Sarah mumbled. “I’ll go check it out.”

“Wait!”

Delphine’s protest held Sarah’s attention.

“Yeah? What?”

“Felix said you had a plan to help Cosima,” Delphine mentioned. “How...?”

Sarah sighed.

“Well, I was thinking about what you said. About Kira. If you’re right, if Kira’s being held at this place and I can get her back, then maybe she could help us with a cure, yeah?”

Delphine’s eyes glistened with tears and she smiled earnestly.

“You would do that?” 

“I’m not about to drag my daughter into DYAD, but if she’s Cosima’s only chance... I have to do something. I’ll figure something out. We’ll figure something out, yeah?”

“Yes,” she squeaked.

“Just make sure my sister doesn’t croak before I get back, okay? I’m counting on you, Delphine.”

Delphine nodded.

She wanted to express her gratitude, to reassure Sarah that she would do her job, but in the moment, she couldn’t find the words. She was overwhelmed by the tiniest rush of hope that was just big enough to keep her moving forward. 

 

____________________

 

The drive was long and quiet. 

She thought she’d grow used to the silence, having been alone on the run for so long, but it still irked her. She kept expecting to hear Kira’s tiny giggle or a witty comment from Felix or even a scolding from Mrs. S, but as the days passed her by, none came. She tried to limit her contact with the others to avoid getting caught, but when Felix had called her to tell her of Cosima’s now critical condition, she realized that running away was now impossible. There were too many people relying on her; she had no idea how she’d managed to fall into a position with so much responsibility, but she knew it was time to act. With the information that Delphine had relayed to her, she now had something to act on, which is why she found herself driving in the dead of night, ignoring her frustration and exhaustion.

She looked over to the gun which rested on the passenger’s seat, her eyes narrowing. She hoped she wouldn’t have to use it, but she was fully prepared to. She’d found herself prepared to do a lot of things she never would have previously considered in the months since her family went missing. She was always the lone wolf and suddenly she found herself as the leader of the pack, something she wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

The sound of the GPS dragged her attention back to the road as she followed its instructions, making a right. She was nearing her destination, the butterflies in her stomach fluttering rapidly. She drove down the road for several minutes until she decided to pull off and park. If she pulled up right next to the address Delphine had given her, there was a good chance that someone in the house would spot her and she’d be captured. The only thing she had going for her at this point in time was the element of surprise, something she was desperate to maintain.

She maneuvered her way through a small patch of woods, using the the trees and bushes to shield her from any possible onlookers. As she pushed her way through the twigs and branches, a house finally came into view. She ducked behind a tree, pausing to inspect it as closely as she could from her distance. She couldn’t see any cars parked in front of the house or in the back, nor could she see any activity through the windows. There was a dim light on the main floor, too muted to be a ceiling light; she assumed it was from a lamp. Other than that, there were no other signs of life. 

She darted out, advancing from her cover and running to the back of the house where she was less likely to be spotted. She quickly surveilled the area once again, just to be certain. When she felt safe, she reached into her pocket, retrieving a few pins and sliding them into the lock. If this was the place where Kira and Siobhan were being held, it wasn’t well fortified. It only took her a minute of jimmying with the lock for the door to click open. She exhaled a silent breath and reached for the gun in the waistband of her pants, drawing it and slowly proceeding into the house. 

She found herself standing in a dark kitchen. There were a couple of dishes in the sink, some flowers in a vase in the centre of a round table, but aside from that, no other obvious signs of life. She tiptoed around the kitchen, trying to familiarize herself with her surroundings. That’s when she spotted a kettle; surely not an unusual sight in a kitchen, but when she reached out to touch it with her free hand, she noted that it was still fairly warm. Her grip on her gun tightened.

She cautiously continued into the next room, the one with the light source she could see from the window. It was a homey living room, like something out of a home living catalogue that Alison would have designed. As she suspected, the light was coming from an old table lamp, settled next to an even older armchair. On the side table with the lamp was a closed book, the contents of which she was unable to discern from her distance. She inched closer, still on guard. Someone had been sitting in that chair, reading, up until very recently. As she stepped closer, the sound of something cracking halted her advances. She looked down to pinpoint the source of the noise; she had stepped on a red crayon. Her eyes followed the rest the waxy red instrument, locating its brethren; blue and orange and purple and green, all resting atop a small pile of papers. She crouched down to inspect them further. Upon the pages were colorful works of art, most definitely drawn by a child. Most definitely drawn by her child. She may not have been very present for much of Kira’s young life, but she recognized her daughter’s artwork anywhere. 

She immediately shot up, her spine stiffening and blood running cold. Kira was here. Or, she had been here. Either way, she was closer to her daughter than she had been in months. Such a thought sent a wave of anticipation through her.

“Kira?” she called out.

She didn’t care if it was foolish. She found herself so overwhelmed by her discovery that she quickly abandoned her stealthiness. She repeated her daughter’s name, this time even louder. She stormed through the doorway, leaving the living room and heading for the flight of stairs leading to the next floor. As her foot extended forward to reach the first step, she felt a force tugging her back. She panicked, attempting to draw her gun, but she was pulled back into a soft body, surprisingly strong arms wrapping around her and prohibiting her movements. She bucked wildly, trying to break free from her captor’s grasp.

“Easy, love. Easy.”

She immediately went slack.

“S?”

The arms that were holding her finally relented and she pulled herself away, whipping around to confirm her suspicions.

“It took you long enough,” Siobhan said softly, a small smirk etched on her features.

Sarah was bewildered. She was awash with too many different emotions to count; fury, confusion, betrayal, but ultimately, the one that one out was the strangest pang of bittersweet relief.

“What the hell is going on?” she snapped.

“Quiet,” Siobhan hushed her. “You’ve already made enough noise as it is.”

“Where’s Kira?” Sarah barked.

“Lower. Your. Voice,” Siobhan warned, emphasizing each word with a low, harsh tone.

“I ain’t lowering shit until you tell me where my daughter is!”

“Kira is fine!” the older woman whispered harshly. “If you want to know what’s going on, quit your bloody barking and come into the kitchen!”


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's Notes:** We're finally nearing the end! Only a few more chapters after this one, folks. Thanks for all of your support. It means so much to me. Hope you all enjoy :)

Sarah reluctantly followed the older woman back into the kitchen with a scowl on her face. She stopped in the doorway, leaning against the frame as Siobhan brought the kettle over to the sink, pouring the lukewarm water out and refilling it before setting it on the stove again to boil.

“You really are a terrible thief. I’m surprised you survived out there for so long,” she mused. 

 Sarah scoffed at the comment.

“You come in here, making all that noise. You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you. Hell, you’re lucky it’s me standing here and not some hired gun. Bloody careless.”

“What are you getting at, S?”

Siobhan took a seat at the kitchen table, patiently waiting for Sarah to do the same. Sarah, defiant as ever, refused to budge. The two locked eyes, the older woman raising her eyebrows at the feral creature before her.

“Are you going to sit down so we can have a civilized conversation, or are you going to sulk over there by yourself?”

Another beat of silence passed between the two women until the younger one finally caved, dragging her feet heavy on the ground as she approached the table. She dragged the chair out, its legs scraping loudly on the floor under Siobhan’s glare, until she finally dropped in it.

“You gonna tell me what this is all about, or am I going to have to play more guessing games with you?”

“Things wouldn’t have ended up this way if you hadn’t been so reckless.”

“So this is _my_ fault now?” Sarah asked incredulously.

“You can’t help but set a bloody fire whenever you walk into a room! Rachel is one enemy you don’t want to have and the first thing you did was piss her off and put a target on your back! On _Kira’s_ back!”

“What would you have had me do? Sign her contract? Sign us away to those psychos?”

“Of course not!” Siobhan chided. “That’s not what I said, Sarah! There are ways to go about these things. It takes tact and patience and insight -- three things which you severely lack. That’s why I left you in the dark.”

Sarah’s fists clenched into tight balls of unadulterated fury, her jaw locking. She was tempted to lash out, that was until she remembered just who she was dealing with. As she had learned from years under Siobhan’s care, lashing out at the woman had little effect. Instead, she chose to take a deep breath and try to redirect her focus.

“Kira--”

“Is fine. I’ve been watching over her, same as always.”

In spite of her utter confusion, Sarah breathed a sigh of relief just knowing that her daughter was safe. As Siobhan watched the anger and tension slowly evaporate from Sarah’s posture, her own features softened and she offered the clone a small smile.

“When I got back to your place, it was tossed and you were gone. _Kira was gone._ I thought that Rachel had...”

“Oh, she would have,” Siobhan said, lifting herself from her seat to tend to the chirping kettle. “That’s why I intervened before she had the chance.”

She retrieved two clean mugs from the cupboard above her head, dropping teabags into each of them and pouring the boiled water, which quickly darkened.

“Rachel’s men were watching the house. I knew it was only a matter of time before she made her move, and I knew you’d probably do something stupid to provoke her into doing it. You went to meet with Rachel... and I made a phone call.”

She brought the two steaming mugs back to the table, setting one in front of Sarah and sitting back down.

“A phone call? Who the hell’d you call?” Sarah asked, enveloping the mug in her hand.

“Marion Bowles.”

The clone shot her a questioning glance.

“Am I supposed to know who that is or something?”

“She’s an old friend of mine. A DYAD executive,” Siobhan clarified.

Even with the older woman’s explanation, Sarah’s confusion refused to settle. Instead of offering answers, Siobhan’s confession only sparked more; why the hell would she be friends with someone from DYAD, and why would she seek her out now? It was plain to Sarah that Siobhan’s involvement went much deeper then she could have anticipated.

“I convinced her to call off Rachel’s hounds. I made her a proposition,” she says, bringing the mug to her lips to sip.

“What kind of proposition?” Sarah asked, unconvinced.

She set her own mug down again, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at her foster mother. She didn’t like the direction this was heading in.

“I promised her my cooperation.”

Sarah’s taken aback. 

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t Siobhan cooperating with the enemy; her foster mother was a spitfire who lived by her own rules, she never once thought that Siobhan would roll over so easily.

“You promised her _what?_ Why the hell would you do that?” Sarah snapped.

“Like I said, Marion is an old friend and she’s a powerful ally to have. Unlike you, I didn’t want to give DYAD a reason to strike first.” 

“They already struck first!” Sarah retorted. 

Siobhan flashed her a glare of her own, warning the snarling brunette to reign in her temper and keep her voice down. It took Sarah a moment to compose herself, but once she had, she expelled a long, frustrated sigh. 

“So what’s the deal with this Marion bitch? Why is it so important that we’re on her good side?” 

Siobhan stared into the contents of her mug, closing her eyes as she felt the steam rise up and reach her face. Sarah could tell that the enigmatic woman was sitting on something big, debating over whether or not she should reveal all her cards. 

“She has a lot of influence within DYAD,” Siobhan spoke. “You see, as powerful as DYAD is, they’re still just a company, they still have to concern themselves with bureaucracy. Sure, they could hunt Kira down easily enough, but they’d have to sort through the bureaucratic nightmare that follows, especially if something like the abduction and captivity of a small child became public. The whole process goes along a lot more smoothly if they can ensure our cooperation.” 

It seemed to make sense. 

Sarah didn’t know a whole lot about the inner workings of a large company, especially one as far-reaching and dubious as DYAD. However, she knew that Rachel and Leekie had to answer to someone, and it appeared that her foster mother might have known who that was. Even still, she remained suspicious and doubtful of Siobhan’s tactics. 

“So, why the hell would you give them exactly what they want then? What are you playing at?” 

“Not _exactly_ what they want,” Siobhan corrected, blowing on her tea before sipping. “I promised them Kira, so long as I was allowed to stay with her as her caretaker. I didn’t promise them you." 

“You still gave them my daughter!” 

I didn’t give them anything, Sarah! I tied their hands, that’s what I did!” she shouted, matching Sarah’s fire. 

As soon as the words left her mouth, Siobhan realized her slip, pausing to collect her emotions yet again. Matching her foster daughter’s fury was going to get them nowhere. She busied herself with the mug in her hands, peering over at Sarah when she was sure the younger woman had settled, as well. 

“Marion agreed to my terms. She delivered them to the board and she’s been fighting alongside me to hold them off for as long as possible,” she explained. “Some of the board members want to proceed with Kira and it’s only a matter of time before Rachel and Leekie convince all of them to, but for now, we have them locked in a stalemate.” 

Sarah heavily exhaled. 

“So, Rachel and Leekie can’t touch Kira without the board’s permission, and the board hasn’t been able to make a decision yet?” 

“More or less,” Siobhan shrugged. 

Sarah’s brow furrowed as she stared into her mug, finally bringing it to her lips to take a long swig of the cooling tea. 

“How the hell do you know all this, S?” she pressed. “Where do you feature?” 

Siobhan traced the rim of her mug with the pad of her index finger, circling round and round in silent contemplation, wondering how much to tell the volatile clone. 

“Me? Well, I’m on the board, as well.” 

_“What?”_

“My father founded the DYAD a long time ago. As a matter of fact, you and your sisters were _his_ initiative. When he died, his power passed on to me... along with all of his repercussions,” she began, ignoring Sarah’s utter shock. 

“You’re one of them! All this time, you knew who I was! _What_ I was! Are _you_ my monitor?” 

This time, she didn’t bother scolding Sarah, warning her to keep her voice down or control her temper. She didn’t expect the wily brunette to keep her emotions in check with such a big reveal. In fact, she understood Sarah’s rawness quite well and would be lying if she didn’t admit to feeling some sort of guilt for lying to the girl for so many years. 

“Trust me, love. I am _not_ one of them. Never have been,” she said softly. “I wasn’t even aware of what my father was involved in until he died. All his shite fell to me. That’s when I discovered you." 

Sarah’s eyes were brimming with tears and she wasn’t sure if it was from the anger or betrayal or a mixture of the two. In less than a year, everything she thought she knew about herself turned out to be a lie and she wasn’t sure how many more attacks on her identity she could stomach. 

“I was ready to forfeit any power that was passed on to me,” Siobhan continued. “I never wanted to be wrapped up in my father’s work. I wanted to start a bloody revolution, not run a company that was the embodiment of everything I stood against.” 

Sarah shook her head, dumbstruck. 

“Then why didn’t you?” 

“Like I said. I discovered you. I knew I couldn’t walk away from you.” 

“Why not?” 

Siobhan was silent for a moment, tipping her mug back to finish her tea. She stood, walking back over to the stove to grab the kettle and pour herself another cup. Her back was to Sarah, her face concealed, but the waver in her voice was distinct. 

“You were... just a child. An innocent. If I just walked away and left you to the wolves, what would that make me?” 

Sarah unsuccessfully tried to blink back a series of tears before opting for the sleeve of her jacket to brush them away. 

“I kept my seat because I thought that I might need it one day to help you,” Siobhan said, finding her seat back at the table. “I haven’t been involved with DYAD since you came to me, not really. Even though I have a seat on the board, it pretty much runs itself. I let Marion be my eyes and ears. She fills me in only when the issue at hand concerns you and as of late, you seem to be their only issue. That’s why I’ve stepped in.” 

Sarah was at a loss for words. She racked her brain for an answer, but was torn between lashing out and running away. Finally, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath to steady her nerves. When she opened her lids again, Siobhan was staring back at her sympathetically. 

“I want to see my daughter,” she mustered. 

“You need to know that you’re running out of time.” 

Sarah stood rapidly, the act catching her foster mom off guard. Siobhan flinched in surprise as Sarah swatted the chair over, then ran her hands through her messy mane. 

“Running out of time? What, am I on a clock now?” she spat. “I thought you and your good old friend Marion bloody Bowles had it covered.” 

“Like I said, the board’s locked in a stalemate for now, but they’re growing impatient, Sarah,” Siobhan replied steadily, refusing to let Sarah’s outburst provoke her. “They’ll eventually decide to move forward regardless of how much interference Marion and I run. When that happens, I won’t be able to protect you anymore.” 

“Yeah, cause you’ve done a real bang up job so far,” Sarah laughed. 

“As a matter of fact, I have,” Siobhan replied sternly. 

Sarah shot the older woman her best death glare, one Siobhan readily returned. 

“I kept you hidden for all those years, I’ve watched after Kira, and when Rachel and her hounds came barking, I had your back.” 

“Really? By tossing your flat and having me run around like an idiot for months looking for my daughter?” 

“Yes!” Siobhan broke. 

Sarah began pacing back and forth across the kitchen, fists clenched, her eyes never leaving Siobhan. 

“I knew if you thought Kira was missing, you wouldn’t stop until you found her! You’d be on the run, which is where I needed you! It’s where I knew you’d be safest!” 

She wasn’t lying. 

Running was what Sarah did best. It’s what she knew. It’s what every cell in her body told her to do. She wondered if Alison or Cosima often felt the same way, or even if Helena had experienced the same inclination towards motion. 

No. 

They weren’t as cowardly as her. 

“You were always good at running, Sarah. I knew as long as you kept running, as long as you had somewhere to run to, that they wouldn’t be able to catch up with you,” Siobhan explained, standing up and walking around the table to pick up the chair Sarah had knocked over and set it back in place. 

She grabbed Sarah’s neglected mug and brought it over to the sink, all the while Sarah’s eyes burned holes into her back. She began cleaning the mug as she spoke. 

\“With DYAD watching my every move, I couldn’t exactly fill you in on what was going on. It was my way of keeping both you and Kira out of DYAD’s hands.” 

“And what? You just expected me to stay on the run forever?” Sarah asked. 

“Oh, come now. I have more faith in you than that,” Siobhan replied with a smirk. “I knew you’d eventually figure it out and find us. I didn’t think it would take you quite this long though. You’ve pretty much run out the clock. It doesn’t leave us much space to move now, does it?” 

She finished cleaning Sarah’s mug, placing it on the dish rack to dry. 

“What’s the next move?” Sarah asked. 

“That’s entirely up to you, love.” 

Her answer surprised Sarah. 

It wasn’t like the seasoned woman to relinquish control like that. Ever since she was a child, Siobhan was always trying to steer her in some sort of direction. It often drove her crazy; she just wished that her foster mother would mind her own business and leave her to make her own decisions, but now that Siobhan seemed to be releasing the reigns, she wasn’t sure how she felt. Even if she almost never took Siobhan’s advice, she never realized how lucky she was to have someone there offering it to her. 

“I’ve done everything I can. It’s in your hands now,” Siobhan said with a smile. “But I’d suggest disappearing as soon as possible.” 

Disappearing. 

That was her inclination, as well. 

At least, it would have been if Cosima wasn’t wasting away in some hospital room at that very moment. As she came to that realization, the tears started up again. Siobhan cocked her head, curiously inspecting Sarah’s shift in emotions. The clone lowered herself into her chair once again in a robotic manner. 

“I can’t do that,” she whispered. 

Siobhan clearly wasn’t expecting such an answer. Her eyes narrowed as she approached Sarah, towering over the young Brit. She stared down at her conflicted foster daughter and offered her some stern words of wisdom. 

“Take Kira, take that no good brother of yours and put as much space between you and DYAD as you can.” 

“I can’t,” Sarah repeated. 

“And why the hell not?” Siobhan snapped. 

“It’s... it’s Cosima.” 

“One of your sisters?” Siobhan asked, confused. 

Sarah nodded. 

“She’s sick, S. I can’t just leave her.” 

Siobhan scoffed, locking her leg and folding her arms across her chest just like a disapproving mother scolding her child. 

“Suddenly growing a backbone now?” she chided. “You abandoned your daughter in the blink of an eye but when both your lives depend on it, you won’t leave the sister you barely know?” 

"She’s dying and I can’t leave her!” Sarah burst. “She needs me!” 

“What can you really do for her, Sarah? You’re not a doctor!” 

“Delphine says she might have a chance if we can get her to Kira in time!” 

“What? Are you bloody kidding me?” Siobhan retorted, laughing in disbelief. 

“I don’t know what else to do! Kira is her last chance! If she could save Cosima’s life, I can’t just--” 

“Are you seriously considering handing your daughter over to the very enemy we’ve spent months running from? Where’s the sense in that?” 

“I didn’t say--” 

“If you go back there now, if you bring Kira with you, you’ll never get out again!” 

Sarah buried her face in her hands, trying to hide from the gravity of her situation. There was no way she was coming out of this unscathed; something had to give and a sacrifice had to be made. She just prayed that she could live with it when it was all over. 

“You’re not a hero, Sarah,” said Siobhan, her voice low and dangerous. “You’re a liar and a thief and a piss poor excuse for a mother. You’ve never been noble in your life. Don’t start now. Not when it will get you killed.” 

She lifted her head, glaring up at her foster mother. 

“Go to hell.” 

“Mommy!” 

Both women whipped around just in time to see the small body come flying into the kitchen, throwing herself into Sarah’s arms. It only took a second for the anger to melt away as soon as she felt Kira’s arms lock around her neck and she released a sob of relief. 

“Hey, monkey! I’ve been looking all over for you!” she beamed. 

“I know! Mrs. S said you’d be here soon. I was waiting for you,” Kira replied. 

Siobhan stood back, leaning against the counter as she watched mother and daughter reunite. Even at such a precious sight, she couldn’t bring herself to smile. 

Not when she knew what was on Sarah’s mind. 

Not when she knew how this was going to end. 

\+ + + + + + + + + 

She watched Cosima from outside the hospital room, peering through the tiny square window on the door. She had been standing there for a few minutes now, almost too afraid to enter. The brunette looked ghastly; she was whiter than a sheet of paper, with dark circles around her sunken eyes and pale, cracked lips. The linens were pulled up to her chest, burying her in cotton confinement. She looked so puny beneath them, like a small child drowning in the sea of her parents’ bedsheets. With her glasses off and eyes closed in a state of uneasy rest, it was hard to believe that she was the same girl who’d charmed her way into her life with flashing eyes, easy words and a glimmering smile. 

She was unrecognizable. 

Delphine took the deepest breath she could take, releasing it in a shuddering puff of air before she finally worked up the nerve to walk through the door. She knew Cosima was awake, but the clone didn’t even bother opening her eyes to greet her. She stood at the foot of the bed for a moment, quietly observing, waiting to see if her girlfriend would acknowledge her presence. 

“How are you feeling, _ma cherie?_ ” 

Cosima finally opened her eyes very slowly, as if she were using them for the first time (or perhaps the last), the very notion of light an assault on her retinas. They were shallow and listless, their usual shine dulled down by illness and exhaustion. 

“Like shit.” 

Her voice was harsh and raspy, her words a forceful expulsion. It was hard for her to breathe, let alone speak. Even if she could, she had very little to say. 

“It’s okay. I’m right here,” Delphine replied, trying her best to force a smile. 

She pulled a chair over to the side of the hospital bed, gently grasping the brunette’s hand and bringing it to her lips. She was certain she must have looked just as bad as Cosima, only she didn’t have death as an excuse; she hadn’t slept or eaten since before Paul had slipped that flash drive in her hand, but she could barely feel her own degeneration. She hadn’t stopped crying since they arrived at the hospital; her distress flowed in waves, fluctuating between heavy, rattling sobs, frail, glossy-eyed whimpering, or a cascade of noiseless tears accompanied only by the trembling of her limbs. 

“I’m going to die in this room.” 

She spoke in a muted whisper, yet her words registered as gunshots in Delphine’s ears. She squeezed Cosima’s hand even tighter, fighting back a sob. She looked up to spy Cosima’s face, to try and drink her expression, but the ailing woman was staring stoically at the ceiling tiles. 

_“Please don’t say that,”_ she begged. 

Cosima remained unmoved. 

“It’s true. I know it now. You know it, too.” 

Delphine shook her head, attempting to swallow the knife lodged in her throat while simultaneously fighting the urge to grab the brunette and shake her furiously.; if she thought Cosima’s broken body could handle it, she would have. 

“I-I think we found Kira. Sarah will bring her in, she’ll--” 

“It’s too late.” 

The clone shut her down before she had the chance to even start. 

“I heard the doctors talking. My lungs are done for.” 

It was true. 

The first thing Cosima’s doctor had said to her once he had stabilized the clone was that her lungs had become almost entirely enveloped in polyps. She barely had any function left in them and he expected them to completely give out within the next day or so, if she could make it that long; she would be forced to rely on a ventilator to breathe and even then, the machine wouldn’t be able to sustain her for very long before the rest of her organs began to shut down. It was only a matter of time now before the inevitable. 

“Then... then we’ll get you _new_ lungs,” Delphine offered. 

She knew her optimism was childish, but she couldn’t bring herself to abandon it. She told herself it was to keep Cosima’s hopes alive, but she knew full well that it was for herself. Even with the doctor’s words and the truth bound to a bed right in front of her, she couldn’t really bring herself to say it. 

" _Just stop_. Please.” 

The clone tried her best to muster up her anger vocally, but in her weakened state, it came off as a choking plea. As soon as the words left her mouth, the blonde’s entire body began to shake again as she sobbed silently at her lover’s bedside. 

_“I can’t...”_

The brunette, upon hearing the smallness and the hopelessness in Delphine’s words, finally turned to face her for the first time since the doctor entered the room. She was exhausted and frustrated and wanted to be angry, but it was impossible upon witnessing her breakdown. 

_“I can’t stop, Cosima...”_

Her sobbing became more pronounced, heaving for breath through the thickness of her emotions. She squeezed Cosima’s hand even tighter, ignoring the fact that she might be hurting the petite girl, refusing to let go. Her whole body was shaking, her eyes swollen with tears. 

_“I... I can’t stop... I... can’t start...,”_ she gasped through the sobs. _“I can’t help you, but... but I can’t do nothing... I’m just here! I’m just stuck here, Cosima... and I don’t know how to be here anymore!”_

Cosima’s brow furrowed, her eyes raking over the French woman. Delphine was a broken, messy pile of raw and heaving emotions at her side, like the remnants of a hurricane. She had never really stopped to consider how this was all affecting the blonde and now that she was forced to, she wasn’t sure how to respond. She did the only thing she could think to do and squeezed her monitor’s hand back, as tightly as she could muster. 

“You’ll be okay,” she whispered. 

Delphine shook her head in disagreement. 

“I’ll never be okay again...” 

She buried her head in Cosima’s hand while the brunette gently stroked the side of her face. Cosima watched her with the faintest of smiles while Delphine eventually settled once again, her sobs subsiding. 

“Come here.” 

She looked up, sniffling and brushing a few tears away to find Cosima staring back at her with all-knowing eyes and a crooked smile that was nearly lost amongst her sunken features. 

“Cosima--” 

“Hurry,” she goaded. “The nurse’ll make her rounds soon. Just... get up here.” 

It wasn’t the best idea, but she was hardly in a position to deny the fading woman. Cosima tried her best to scoot over and accommodate her, but it was still a snug fit as she slotted herself up against the clone’s side, resting her head on Cosima’s shoulder. 

“You’re not still mad?” she asked with a gentle whisper, tracing Cosima’s fingers with her own. 

“Kinda seems pointless now, doesn’t it?” 

Delphine nodded, then pressed a kiss to Cosima’s cheek. 

“You’ll have plenty of time to be mad at me later,” she said with a smile and the tiniest of laughs. “I’ll have plenty of time to mess up. I’m certain that I will.” 

She felt Cosima’s body still for a moment and she wrapped herself around the brunette a little tighter, tucking her head underneath Cosima’s chin, careful not to pull on any wires or cause any more unnecessary discomfort to the cheeky girl. 

“Okay.” 

Delphine sighed, closing her eyes and temporarily succumbing to her own exhaustion. She failed to notice Cosima’s quivering lip or glossy eyes, her silent panic drowned out by the sound of busy machines and hospital static. 


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's Note:** Soooo, we're nearing the conclusion. Please don't hate me :(

A small but tearful smile born of paradox-- relief for having found her daughter and concern for their uncertain future-- adorned her face as she watched the small child prance around the room, collecting toys and books and stuffing them into a tiny pink knapsack. Siobhan remained downstairs in the kitchen, making phone calls and sorting out details while the punk opted to assist her child in packing up all of her belongings. 

“Are we going home, mommy?” Kira asked, stuffing the last of her plush dolls into her bag.

Sarah opened her mouth to speak, but faltered. She didn’t want to frighten her daughter, but she also didn’t want to lie to her. Her entire life was a lie and she refused to make her relationship with Kira just another part of that cycle, but her mother’s intuition screamed for her to shield the little girl from the harsh reality of their situation.

“It’s... it’s not that simple, monkey,” she settled on, raking a hand through her unruly tresses.

“Cause it’s dangerous.”

Her daughter’s perceptiveness always caught her off guard.

“Yeah. That’s right.”

Kira zipped the knapsack, placing it neatly on her bed. She then moved on to gathering her clothes from the dresser.

“That’s what Mrs. S. said. She said home is too dangerous. That’s why we have to stay here.”

“Well, you don’t gotta stay here anymore.”

Kira beamed.

“Good. I don’t like it here very much.”

Sarah laughed, finding her smile again and scooping up Kira by the waist, tossing her onto the bed. The little girl shrieked in delight as her mother tickled her mercilessly. It was the sound Sarah was aiming for. Hearing that sound again was what kept her going for all these months. It was what would propel her forward into whatever awaited them. When their tickle fight eventually subsided, Sarah nuzzled herself against the top of her daughter’s head before placing a kiss on her crown.

“We’re gonna go on a trip, okay? We’re gonna go somewhere far away where no one can find us.”

“But what about Uncle Felix and Mrs. S? And Helena?”

Helena.

Of course Kira would ask about Helena.

She didn’t have the heart to tell her that her aunt was dead and lay wasting and forgotten on the floor of some decrepit old warehouse.

“We’re going to figure that all out, but we need to get ready to leave.”

“Okay.”

The gentle rapping on the door drew their conversation to a close and Sarah stood, walking over to open it. Siobhan was standing on the other side, her face as unreadable as ever. Sarah turned, instructing Kira to hurry with her packing before she stepped outside of the room and away from the young girl’s earshot.

“There’s a driver ready. He’ll be waiting for you at the drop point.”

Sarah sighed.

“I already told you, S. I can’t just leave Cosima.”

“And _I_ already told _you. You are out of time._ We need to move now or we’ll lose our window, Sarah.”

“What about your doctor friend? Did you try calling her?” she asked, grasping for anything she could latch on to, anything to keep her from drowning.

Siobhan had mentioned having a friend who was a pediatric doctor, someone they could trust with Kira. The older woman was still very hesitant, but she’d told Sarah that if she was adamant on going through with helping Cosima, it was the best way. 

“Sarah--”

“Maybe if we just bring Cosima some of Kira’s blood, they can work out some sort of cure, use her DNA or however the hell it works,” she suggested.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Sarah,” Siobhan warned her with a glare.

“Can you just call her? See if she can do it?” Sarah barked back. “We’ll take some samples or whatever, I’ll send them to Delphine and then we can get the hell out of here!”

“This isn’t even your decision to make, Sarah! This is Kira’s! She’s a child, she’s not your own personal medicine cabinet!”

_“I know that!”_

The door to Kira’s room crept open and the tiny girl poked her head out. Both women immediately stopped arguing, offering the confused child a sympathetic look. 

“All finished packing?” Sarah asked, crouching down so she was eye level with her daughter.

“There are people coming.”

“What?”

Sarah exchanged glances with Siobhan.

The two women rushed into Kira’s room. They peered out the window, which gave them a view of the road leading up to the cottage. They could see two cars in the near distance driving up the road. It was highly unlikely that anyone was coming this far out at such an hour, which led them both to believe that it must have been DYAD.

“Go,” Siobhan instructed.

“S--”

“Go. _Now.”_

“Where?” Sarah panicked, grabbing Kira by the arm. “They’ll see us leaving!”

“I’ll hold them off!” Siobhan called back as she raced down the stairs. “Take Kira and climb down the balcony from the spare bedroom!”

Sarah nodded, picking the child up and racing into the other bedroom. Kira clung to her tightly, face buried in her mother’s neck. Sarah shut the door behind them, then pulled back the curtains that were obstructing the balcony door. She could hear the sound of car doors slamming shut through the window and she knew that there wasn’t a second to spare. 

She opened the door and ran out onto the balcony, looking for an escape route. There was a large column that reached all the way to the ground level and she figured it was their best bet at escaping, so she lowered Kira to the floor and removed her jacket.

“Listen close, monkey,” she said with a shaky breath. “I want you to climb onto my back and hold on super tight, okay?”

Kira nodded in understanding, climbing onto her mother’s back and wrapping her arms around her neck. As Sarah wrapped both arms of her jacket around the column, she could hear banging at the door. She took a deep breath, then began to shimmy down with slow, controlled steps. 

 

\+ + + + + + + + +

 

Siobhan stood at the bottom of the staircase, rifle in hand, waiting for the DYAD team to enter. They banged loudly on the door and she adjusted the weapon in her sweaty palms, steadying both her hands and her breathing. 

She’d been here before, many times.

“Open the door and hand over the girl!” one of the men called out. “Your time is up! The board’s reached a decision!”

It was just as she feared. 

Sarah had exhausted the clock while running. Escaping now was going to be even harder than before, but she had to have faith. If Sarah and Kira could make it out, if they headed directly to the drop point, there was still a chance that they could make it out of the country without DYAD catching them. 

It would mean leaving Felix behind.

It would mean giving up on Cosima.

Siobhan prayed that Sarah’s selfishness would win out.

The door came crashing down and she pointed the gun, waiting for the first target to walk into range. As soon as the first man came rushing through the threshold, she fired a shot and watched him drop to the ground. The rest of the team halted their advance and Siobhan took a few steps forward.

“She should have known better then to send you!” she called out.

From the corner of her eye, she could spot two men from the window running around the side of the house towards the back. Thankfully it was the side without the balcony, where she knew Sarah and Kira were making their escape. She fired one more shot through the front door to deter the others from entering through it, then ran to the kitchen, reloading as she went. As soon as she made it, the two men in question were busting through the back door and she fired another shot, taking another one down. The remaining one retreated to find cover and before she had a chance to pursue him, she felt a set of strong arounds around her neck.

“You always gotta complicate things, don’t you?” the leader of the group whispered harshly into her ear.

She recognized him as Rachel’s personal lapdog. His name was Daniel, if her memory served her correctly. She struggled against him as his associate trained his gun on her. The other man who had retreated then returned, doing the same. The fiery woman frowned as she stared down the barrel of two guns, but even in the face of certain death, she never faltered.

“Don’t shoot her!” Daniel ordered. “Rachel needs her alive, too!”

They both hesitantly lowered their weapons.

“Go find the girl!”

Siobhan took advantage of Daniel’s brief lapse of concentration and stomped down at his foot, then thrashed backwards, shoving the butt of her rifle into his gut. He grunted, hunching over in pain as he tried to regain his breath. One of his associates looked surprised while the other raised his weapon again, only Siobhan was faster, firing a shot into his chest. She would have taken care of the other one, as well, if it wasn’t for the searing pain in her shoulder that came accompanied by a gunshot from behind. She cried out, dropping her weapon and clutching her shoulder. As she did, she was immediately forced to the ground, a knee pressing into her spine, subduing her.

“I won’t tell you again! Grab the girl!” Daniel barked.

 

\+ + + + + + + + + +

 

Kira whimpered in her mother’s arms as they ran into the woods for cover, the sound of gunshots piercing through the otherwise silent night. She didn’t bother to look back, instead she clutched her daughter even tighter to her chest as trees and bushes whirred by her. She needed to get back to the car. She only hoped DYAD hadn’t spotted it on their way. As she continued to run, panting for breath, Siobhan’s words echoed in her ear.

_“We need to move now or we’ll lose our window, Sarah.”_

Siobhan was right.

If her and Kira didn’t make a break for it now, they’d never get out of this never-ending labyrinth of chaos that her life had become. Even though she knew this, Siobhan’s voice wasn’t the only one whispering phantom words in her ear. She remembered her promise to Delphine and she knew that no matter how far she ran, she’d never escape the torment if she just picked up and left Cosima to die. 

Not even if she had Kira with her.

“I’m scared,” Kira whimpered.

Sarah tried her best to hush her, her eyes scanning the area for signs of familiarity. She remembered parking the car somewhere in the vicinity and she knew it must have been close by. When she finally spotted the vehicle, she expelled a breath of relief. She slid Kira into the back seat, instructed her to keep her head down and started up the car, speeding away as quickly as possible.

They had been driving at top speed for twenty minutes, Sarah fanatically checking the rearview mirror to make sure no one was following her, when Kira finally spoke. She remained curled up in the back seat, her hands over her head like she was ducking for cover in the middle of a firefight.

“Is Mrs. S. okay?” she asked, her voice as small as ever.

“I don’t know,” Sarah answered honestly, her voice wavering.

Siobhan was tough.

She’d learned just about everything she knew from her foster mom, right down to her fighting spirit, but despite the older woman’s great strength, she was still just one person against an armed DYAD team. 

She didn’t like those odds.

“We should help her.”

Sarah sighed, glancing in the rearview mirror every couple of seconds just to be certain.

“I don’t know how, monkey,” she tearfully confessed. “It’s too dangerous.”

Kira was quiet, silently considering her mother’s words and their options. A few more minutes passed before she spoke again.

“She would help us.”

“I know,” Sarah said beneath her breath. “I know, I know. You’re right.”

Siobhan _had_ helped them. 

If it hadn’t been for her, they’d both be on their way back to Rachel by now. Despite all the lies, the bad blood and the history, Sarah found herself unable to truly abandon the woman who raised her. She knew Siobhan would be upset, would call her a bloody idiot and instruct her to do what she knew she should have been doing-- taking Kira somewhere remote-- but that almost didn’t matter.

“We’ll help Mrs. S,” Sarah spoke. “We’ll figure something out.”

She’d been making that promise a lot lately.

She wasn’t sure if she entirely believed it.

 

\+ + + + + + + + + +

 

She leaned back against the wet counter, staring at the ceiling tiles, trying to keep her sanity afloat. They were almost back in the city and there still wasn’t any sign of a DYAD tail yet, but she knew they couldn’t have been far behind. They definitely only expected to find Kira and Siobhan at the cottage, which meant they still had no idea where she was, but when they discovered that Kira was gone, they had to have figured that the girl would be with her mother. 

That meant the heat was back on two fold and every second counted.

They’d stopped at a rest stop off the highway so Kira could use the bathroom and she could grab her daughter some food. It probably wasn’t the wisest decision, but she didn’t know when they’d get the chance to eat again and Kira insisted on her need for a toilet.

“You almost done in there, monkey?” Sarah called.

“Almost,” Kira responded.

As she waited for her daughter, she tried to think of their next move. She knew that they couldn’t leave the country like Siobhan had wanted them to. She knew she had to help Cosima and her foster mother. 

Only she had no idea how to do either. 

Kira emerged from the stall, adjusting her pants as she hopped over to the sink. Sarah lifted her by the waist so that she could reach the tap, turning it on so she could wash her hands. As soon as she was all washed up and ready to go, they headed back to the car. Sarah knew they had to get rid of it as soon as possible. It would be easier to do in the city; if she ditched it now, they’d have no way of getting back and if she tried to jack another one, someone would definitely notice, seeing as how there were only four other cars parked in the lot. As Kira raced ahead, boldly slipping into the passenger seat, Sarah’s phone began to ring and she retrieved it from her pocket, frowning when she saw Felix’s name flash across the screen in bold letters.

“Now is not a good time, Fee,” she answered, opening the driver’s door.

“Then _make it_ a good time. We need you over here.”

She sighed angrily, closing the door again. 

She didn’t want Kira to hear her conversation, so she walked around to the back of the car to speak as privately as she could while Kira loyally waited like a puppy for its master.

“Fee, I’m standing in the middle of a bloody shite-storm and trying not to get--”

“Sarah?”

The voice was different.

“Delphine?”

The French woman neither confirmed nor denied the brunette’s question, but she didn’t have to. Sarah knew that voice anywhere. She knew that if Delphine was reaching out to her, it must have been on Cosima’s behalf. She brushed her hair out of her face and sighed.

“I have Kira,” she spoke. “Just... just tell her to hang on, yeah? Just a little bit longer.”

“It’s too late.”

She froze.

Her heart dropped.

“No...”

She shook her head wildly from side-to-side, as if to expel Delphine’s confession from her life.

_“No,”_ she repeated, completely bewildered. _“It can’t... that’s not...”_

She wanted to scream.

She wanted to smash something.

She wanted to run until her legs were worn to the bone.

“Her lungs... they... she can’t breathe on her own anymore,” Delphine explained, trying her hardest to keep her voice steady. “She’s on a ventilator, but it won’t...”

Delphine stopped.

There was a silence, followed by the muted sound of sobs.

“You should come and say goodbye.”

“No!” Sarah screamed, kicking the rear of the car, ambivalent to the pain. “No! This is... _I have Kira! I have her!”_

It wasn’t fair.

She had all the pieces in her hands.

“We can cure her, Delphine! There _has_ to be a way! _You said there was!”_

The tears were falling uncontrollably, her chest wracked with heavy sobs. The commotion summoned Kira from her seat and the child opened the door, walking around to the back of the car to meet her mother.

“Mommy, what’s wrong?” she asked, head cocked with a frown.

_“I’m sorry,”_ Delphine apologized. _“I did everything... I... I... it wasn’t enough.”_

Sarah’s legs buckled and she slowly descended to her knees. Kira took a few more concerned steps forward, reaching out and petting her distraught mother’s head.

“It’ll be okay, mommy.”

Both her daughter’s and Delphine’s voices became lost in a sea of static in her ears. 

This couldn’t be happening.

First Siobhan, now Cosima.

“Siobhan is...?”

Sarah returned to the conversation.

Apparently she had said that lost thought out loud.

“I... I... I got Kira, but DYAD showed up,” Sarah stammered. “Siobhan tried to buy us some time to... to get away. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if they...”

“They wouldn’t kill her,” Delphine replied.

“You think so?”

“Yes. She’s still important to them.”

“If she’s not dead, then Rachel has her,” Sarah concluded, finding her feet again.

She placed her hand atop Kira’s head and stroked, her tears finally settling, replaced by resolve. She tried her best to fake a smile, simply to reassure her daughter who was looking up at her with fearful eyes. Kira placed her own tiny hand atop her mother’s/

“This is all _her_ fault. I’m gonna find that frigid bitch, Delphine, and I swear to God--”

“I have an idea.”

She definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“What?”

“You may not like it,” Delphine continued. “But... it might work.”

Delphine’s voice was surprisingly calm. Gone was its waver, the rattling sobs and words too hard to be swallowed. Sarah didn’t exactly have a lot of exposure to the doctor, but she had never heard Delphine sound so collected before. When they had met for the very first time, she had been a pile of nerves pleading her innocence. When she had given her Kira’s location over the phone, she had been a devastated wreck over Cosima’s decline.

No.

Her voice exuded a newfound strength in the face of unbearable pain.

It was enough to pique Sarah’s interest.

“Might’s good,” Sarah replied. “I’ll take “might.” It’s better than “won’t.” ”

She had no plan of her own and no reason to distrust the blonde now.

“Good.”


	8. VIII

Sarah paced impatiently back and forth across the narrow alleyway, mumbling silent curses under her breath. Kira watched her curiously as she was perched atop a dumpster, her legs dangling over the side. She kicked them absently, drumming her fingers along the cool metal while her eyes tracked her mother’s erratic movements.

“How long do we have to wait here, mommy?” Kira asked.

“Until Uncle Felix shows up,” she replied. “ _If_ he ever shows up.”

She had asked him to go out of his way and take extra precautions to make sure he wasn’t followed, but he was taking an awfully long time to arrive. Had DYAD intercepted him? She began to assume the worst as his arrival became more delayed.

Felix was her last hope, the last ally she had to turn to.

“Sarah!”

Both Sarah and Kira turned to face the owner of the voice and the young mother let out a long sigh of relief as she spotted Felix dashing over towards the two of them, the tail of his long trench coat billowing in the wind behind him. Kira beamed at the sight of her uncle but Sarah seemed less impressed and Felix’s expression read nothing but sheer panic. Sarah’s message had come off as urgent (which it was), sending her younger brother into a fit of anxiety as he rushed his way over to the designated rendezvous point.

“Sarah, what the bloody hell is going on? Why are we here?” he asked, immediately bombarding her with questions.

She grabbed Felix by the arm, leading him a few feet away where they would be out of Kira’s earshot but still within sight. Kira’s eyes never left them as Sarah ducked her head down, urging Felix to do the same so that they could create a more private huddle.

“I need you to take Kira. Take her and just _go_ ,” she instructed.

Felix shook his head in disbelief.

“What are you talking about? What about you? And where the hell is S, anyway?”

“I don’t have time to explain, Fee!” she barked.

“Sarah, if you really think that--”

“This is some dangerous shit, okay?” she shouted.

She looked up, noticing that Kira had heard her outburst. She took a deep breath, composing herself again so that she wouldn't startle her daughter.

“I’m gonna sort it all out, but I need to know that you and Kira are safe,” she explained. _“Please.”_

Felix nodded, finally conceding. He could see how desperate his sister was, how badly she needed his help. As frustrated as he was with her, he realized that this wasn’t just about Sarah and her usual bullshit. This was about Kira, too, and Kira deserved better. She deserved to be safe and if he was the only one Sarah could trust with that task, then he had to step up.

“Just take her and lay low for a little while and I’ll call you when it’s over.”

“And how long is “a little while?” Are we talking a weekend in the woods or some witness protection shit?” Felix replied, shoving his hands into his pockets.

She ignored her brother’s badgering, marching back over to her daughter.

“Sarah?” Felix called as he watched her walk away from him.

She stopped in front of the dumpster, settling her hands atop Kira’s knees. She smiled up at her daughter, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and tenderly stroking her cheek. Kira stared down at her with her ever-curious expression.

“You’re gonna go with Uncle Felix now, just like we talked about. Okay, monkey?” Sarah asked.

“And you’ll come and get us when you’re done?” Kira confirmed.

“That’s right.”

Kira chewed on her bottom lip, considering. Her eyes darted from Sarah to Felix, then back to Sarah again. Despite being a child, she seemed to have some sort of grasp of the situation they were in. 

“Okay,” she nodded.

Sarah beamed, pulling Kira down from the top of the dumpster and into her arms. She pressed a kiss to Kira’s forehead, holding her close. She wasn’t sure when she would see her daughter again so she held on for as long as she could, unable to stop the flow of tears.

“I love you _so much._ Do you know that?”

“I love you, too, mommy,” Kira mumbled back.

When she finally set Kira down, Felix had joined the two of them, his hands tucked into his pockets as he watched the two interact with a frown upon his face. Sarah brushed her tears away and looked back over to her brother, offering him a nod.

“Go with Uncle Felix,” she instructed.

Kira skipped over to her uncle, throwing her arms around his waist as she greeted him with a large hug.

“Uncle Felix! I missed you!” she told him with a smile.

Felix’s expression softened as he bent down, picking up the child in his arms and pulling her into a hug.

“Ugggh,” he growled, shaking the small girl side-to-side. “I missed you, too, monkey! We’re gonna go on a little trip now, okay?”

She nodded in agreement.

“Be careful, yeah?” he said, addressing Sarah.

“I will.”

“We’ll wait to hear from you then. Don’t keep us waiting too long. Right, monkey?”

“Right!” she grinned. “Bye, mommy!”

Sarah smiled.

Felix set Kira down and waited for her to slip her tiny hand into his much larger one. Once she was ready, the two headed off on their own, leaving Sarah standing in the alleyway alone, watching them as they disappeared from her field of vision.

 

\+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

 

It was easy enough to get into Rachel’s apartment. 

Delphine had somehow managed to get her address and forward it to Sarah. As expected, the proclone lived in an penthouse suite overlooking the lake that, despite being upscale, still felt depressingly bare and cold, much like Rachel herself. Donning a disguise, Sarah marched right through the lobby and to the private elevator that would lead her up to Rachel’s suite without anybody stopping her or even taking notice.

Once she found herself alone in Rachel’s spacious apartment, she took a moment to wander around and familiarize herself with her new surroundings. According the Delphine, who had somehow managed to get a copy of Rachel’s agenda, Rachel wasn’t set to arrive for at least another half an hour and the punk was getting anxious. She knew she should take the extra time to think of a solid escape plan, since she was severely lacking one; all she had to go on was the heavy gun tucked away beneath her waistband and her feeling of desperation. 

It was all in her hands now.

She clamped her eyes shut and steadied her breathing. She had to keep it all together. She couldn’t afford to falter, not when there was so much riding on what she was about to do. She swallowed the sharp ball in her throat and convinced herself that she had what it took, but in all honesty, she wasn’t entirely sure.

Eventually, the elevator door did slide open and the sound of heels on hardwood floor indicated that it was, in fact, her nemesis. She ducked behind a wall and waited until Rachel had ventured deeper into her home before she pulled the gun from her waistband. She didn’t raise it, but her grip remained firm as she held it at her side. Taking another breath, she stepped forward and made her presence known.

Rachel froze.

There was an immediate look of alarm on her face, but she was quickly able to compose herself and her impeccable mask returned.

“Hello, Sarah,” she said as calmly and confidently as ever.

“Where’s S?” 

Rachel took a few steps closer and Sarah’s grip on her gun tightened.

“Siobhan is safe. For now.”

“You’re gonna let her go,” Sarah warned.

Rachel smirked.

“Oh, that’s not going to happen.”

“Yeah?” 

Sarah rose to the challenge, lifting her gun until it was pointed directly at Rachel’s head. Despite her own nervousness, her hand was steady. She narrowed her eyes and clenched her jaw as she continued to stare down Rachel.

“You’re not going to shoot me, Sarah,” Rachel said with a frown. “Not even _you_ are that foolish.”

“Managed to outsmart _you_ all this time,” Sarah bit back.

“You’re quick on your feet, I’ll give you that,” Rachel shrugged. “And lucky. Incredibly lucky.”

The two of them slowly started to circle around one another, like lionesses ready to pounce at the perceived threat. Even with a gun pointed at her, Rachel showed no signs of vulnerability. In fact, her characteristic, malicious smirk returned as her eyes met Sarah’s.

“But your luck is about to run out.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“We will.”

Sarah cocked the gun, her sweaty finger prepared to pull the trigger, but when the elevator doors opened for a second time, her eyes widened in surprise and she hesitated, instead aiming the gun over toward the entering intruder. It was a stern-looking man who paused the second he stepped through the threshold and assessed the situation. It didn’t take him long to spring into action and draw his own gun. Sarah fired in his direction and narrowly missed him while Rachel ran, ducking behind the kitchen island for cover. The man fired a couple of shots in Sarah’s direction and she dove to avoid them, dropping her gun in the process. She could hear it skidding across the floor and when she opened her eyes again, she could see that it had slid out of reach. Acting on instinct, she scrambled to her feet again and rushed to reclaim it, only the man was faster, kicking it even further out of her reach and pointing his gun at her head.

“Better stop where you are,” he said.

Sarah hesitated, but she realized that he wasn’t going to shoot her. He would have done so already it he wanted to; those previous shots were merely meant to incapacitate her and she was still too valuable to DYAD for him to kill.

“Or what?” she asked. “You can’t shoot me.”

“True."

He then brought the butt of the gun down and her world went black.

 

\+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

 

Her blurry vision took its time in returning to her; all she could make out was the silhouette of a woman standing before her. Eventually, Rachel came into focus as she tried her hardest to move. Her hands were bound behind her back, as were her legs to the legs of the chair she was sitting in. 

“Good. You’re awake.”

She quickly glanced around the room, noticing that the man from earlier was gone.

“Where’s Mr. Friendly?” she mumbled.

“Daniel’s close by. I sent him away momentarily. I wanted to speak with you privately.”

The clicking of her heels rang out as she walked over to the island in the center of the kitchen, her fingers dancing over the handles of the knives as they protruded from the wooden block that sheathed them.

“What? You’re not gonna bring me back to DYAD?”

“In due time,” she answered. “If I bring you back now, I’ll have to hand you over to Leekie or the board. Either way, we won’t have much of a chance to... _talk_.”

Sarah scoffed.

“I ain’t telling you shit.”

She drew a rather sharp-looking knife from its confines, then slowly made her way back over toward Sarah.

“I can be very generous, Sarah. I can be fair.”

“You know, when you say that with a knife in your hand, you’re almost convincing,” Sarah laughed.

This was no time for her to be laughing, but she couldn’t exactly control her response. This was definitely not how the plan was supposed to go down. Instead of fixing things, she somehow managed to make everything worse.

Perhaps Delphine was right.

_“If you should hesitate...,”_ the doctor had warned her. _“Well... Rachel will not. It’s best to have a contingency plan in case things fall through.”_

_“Things aren’t gonna fall through,”_ Sarah had retorted. _“I won’t let them.”_

“Give me what I want and I won’t have to use this,” Rachel said, gesturing to the knife.

She dangled it loosely in her hand, twirling it, as if testing the weight of it while simultaneously attempting to intimidate Sarah. The brunette swallowed her fear, not allowing Rachel the satisfaction. While she was certain that Daniel or the others wouldn’t harm her, she wasn’t so sure about Rachel; the frigid bitch had a personal vendetta against her and that made her unpredictable. For all she knew, Rachel could slaughter her like a lamb and write the whole thing off as an accident. She’d probably get away with it, too, being the DYAD’s golden girl and all.

“I can also arrange for Siobhan’s release,” she tried.

“Yeah? And what’s that gonna cost me?”

“Your cooperation. And your daughter’s.”

She stepped closer, stopping just in front of Sarah, waiting for the punk’s response. She was clearly unimpressed by the gruff laughter that emerged from Sarah’s mouth.

“Keep dreaming.”

Rachel sighed, then crouched down so that she was level with Sarah. She paused for a moment, considering, then grabbed Sarah’s hair and forced her head all the way back until the brunette had no choice to to gaze directly into her soulless eyes. Sarah’s jaw remained locked and her eyes defiant as her chest heaved.

“It doesn’t have to end like this,” Rachel began, “I offered you an out, all those months ago. I offered you a life and protection for yourself and Kira. Perhaps my subsequent tactics were a bit heavy-handed, I’ll admit, but I’m willing to renew the offer.”

“And why would I believe you?” Sarah snarled.

“Because you don’t have a choice.”

She spat in Rachel’s face.

There was a quiet flash of rage in the blonde’s eyes as she slowly rose once again, wiping the spit away with the sleeve of her blazer. Sarah expected retaliation; perhaps a slap in the face or that knife her nemesis seemed so fond of, but none came. Instead, Rachel glowered down at her, her voice low and calm as she spoke.

“You could refuse to cooperate, resulting in an immeasurable amount of pain for you and most likely Siobhan. And we will eventually find Kira again. Your foster brother can only keep her hidden for so long.”

As soon as she mentioned Felix, Sarah felt her panic begin to settle in again even stronger than before. Rachel knew that Kira was with Felix. She didn’t want to think of what would happen to the both of them if DYAD managed to find them. Felix may have been a street kid like her, with the smarts to go along, but even _he_ couldn’t keep up the running game forever. Not only that, but while Kira was valuable to DYAD, Felix wasn’t. There was no telling what they would do to him. No one aside from her and the others would even notice he was gone and that very thought sent a chill through her entire body.

“However, if you do cooperate, not only will I negotiate for Siobhan’s release, but I’ll allow you and Kira to live out the rest of your days in the sun and not in a cell. You’ll be monitored and required to give samples, of course, but it’s much better than the alternative.”

Sarah’s hands balled into fists behind her as she struggled against the duct tape that was constraining them. 

“You wanna mess with me? Fine,” she spat through gritted teeth. “Just leave my daughter out of this. She’s just a kid!”

Rachel’s expression shifted into something that Sarah couldn’t decipher.

“So was I, once,” she said, her voice almost a whisper. “And so were you.”

Rachel began to pace, her back turned to Sarah. It was the strangest shift in demeanor and the incapacitated clone didn’t know what to make of it. It was almost as if Rachel was hesitating, but she had no reason to.

“Kira won’t be a child forever, Sarah. She’s already growing up and you’ve been missing it,” she finally spoke, turning back around to face Sarah again. “Running from DYAD, chasing conspiracies... pretty soon, she’ll be an adult and you’ll have missed it all. You’ll have missed it and Kira will never forgive you for it. She’ll never forgive you for forcing her to grow up without a mother or a father.”

The frigid blonde seemed almost sincere.

Sarah saw an opening.

“Is that what this is about?” she countered. “You miss mommy and daddy, you blame them for how this all turned out, so now you have to torment me and my daughter?”

It appeared her jab was effective as Rachel dashed over to her, grabbing her by the hair and forcing her head back, once again. She brought the blade to Sarah’s exposed neck and Sarah closed her eyes tightly, trying to steady her shallow breathing.

“How did you think this was going to play out?” Rachel snapped. “That you would just walk into my home and kill me and then this would all be over? You should know by now that it doesn’t work like that. Even if it did... as brutish as you may be, you’re no murderer.”

She pressed the blade to Sarah’s throat a little harder and the punk tried to repress her whimper as she felt the sharpness biting at her. All Rachel had to do was drag it swiftly across and it would all be over.

“Me, on the other hand...,” the blonde began, her eyes flickering.

As Sarah prepared herself for the end, the gentle “ding” of the elevator doors opening captured both of their attention. Rachel immediately withdrew the knife from Sarah’s throat and a look of pure rage enveloped her features. 

She stalked over towards the elevator.

“Daniel, I told you to wait until--”

She froze mid-speech and mid-step, shocked to see a blood-soaked mirror of herself staring back at her, only this one’s blonde locks were far less tame and the look of rabidness in her eyes completely overshadowed her own. Slumped down on the floor of the elevator was a lifeless Daniel, wallowing in a pool of his own blood.

“What...?” Rachel whimpered.

Helena advanced, a knife dripping with blood in one hand and Daniel’s gun in the other. Sarah couldn’t see what was going on from her vantage point, her back to all of the drama unfolding, but she could tell that something was going seriously wrong for Rachel and that meant she had a chance. She worked as hard as she could, struggling against the duct tape that was binding her.

“You animal!” a horrified Rachel screamed, backing away from Helena’s advance.

She held the knife up and pointed it at the Ukrainian as if to defend herself, only the fear in her eyes and her trembling body betrayed the gesture.

“Dirty little rat,” Helena spat.

As soon as she heard the voice, Sarah felt herself go numb. She knew it all too well. It still haunted her dreams, all these months later.

“It can’t be...”

She’d shot Helena.

She’ killed Helena. 

And yet there was no mistaking it. 

Helena lifted the gun, aiming it squarely between Rachel’s eyes.

“You can’t... you can’t do this--”

She was cut off by a gunshot and Sarah cried out, ducking her head down. Rachel fell to the floor, her body hitting it with a loud thud. After a moment of silence, of Sarah whimpering and rocking herself in the chair, Helena finally addressed her.

“Hello, _sestra._ ”

Sarah shook her head, pretending not to hear, as if she could block it all out by sheer will alone. Even though her back was still to Helena, she could feel her twin’s presence as the blonde approached her and she cowered in fear. She was expecting Helena to finish her off next, but instead, she felt the sweet freedom of her hands being released, thanks to Helena’s bloody knife making quick work of the tape.

“What are you doing?” she cried out tearfully.

“I came for you.”

She then walked around the chair until she was standing in front of Sarah. The brunette looked up at her sister with wide and glossy eyes as the blonde looked down, a coy smile on her blood spattered face. She then kneeled, removing the tape that bound Sarah’s ankles.

“But... why?” Sarah whispered.

Even though she was free to stand and move about freely, she remained frozen in the chair.

“You are my family,” Helena replied, as if the answer was the simplest thing in the world.

Sarah couldn’t contain the loud sob that burst from her chest and she found her body heaving, wracked with tears and shame.

“Don’t cry, _sestra.”_

Helena slowly pulled her into an embrace and Sarah reluctantly allowed herself to be held, even wrapping her arms around her other half to hold her close. She was swimming with emotion, full of fear and gratitude and guilt. She tilted her head so that she could spy a lifeless Rachel on the floor.

“You killed her,” she murmured into Helena’s neck.

Helena simply shrugged.

She had done what Sarah couldn’t.

What she was too weak to do.

“You’re the better half,” she whispered.

There was still much to be done, still lives hanging in the balance. She knew she didn’t have a lot of time at her disposal, that now the clock was really counting down, but despite knowing this, she couldn’t pull herself from Helena’s embrace.

Just another minute.

It couldn’t possibly do any more damage.

 

 + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

 

Delphine waited anxiously at Cosima’s bedside, Cosima’s phone in one hand as the other one lay settled atop the dying woman’s. The brunette wasn’t conscious, hadn’t been for hours, but Delphine refused to leave her side. The machines plugged into her lover were the only things keeping her alive, but the doctor liked to think that so long as she held on, Cosima wouldn’t be allowed to pass on from this world.

There was still one, last glimmer of hope.

Sarah was strong.

Sarah was fierce.

Perhaps this would work after all.

Her anxiety began to bubble and froth as she waited for any sort of news at all, good or bad. She was certain she would have heard something _by now,_ but Cosima’s clone phone had been silent. When it did eventually beep with the promise of a text, she instantly felt her palms go sweaty, her heart slam in her chest. It was a text message from Sarah, just as she had been expecting. She wasn’t sure if she was prepared for the message enclosed, but she knew that she really couldn’t afford to wait any longer, so she pushed her anxiety aside and opened the message.

Her eyes swelled with tears.

Without wasting another moment, she set Cosima’s phone down upon her bedside table and reached for her own, quickly dialing and bringing it to her ear to speak.


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's Note:** So, this is it. The final chapter. I just want to thank you all for sticking with this fic for so long. Your support has been overwhelming and it really means a lot to me. I had so much fun writing this and I hope you found half as much enjoyment in reading. As always, feel free to share your thoughts, opinions, criticisms, whatever. I'm always working on new things and hoping to improve. Much love :)

She lifted her heavy lids and was met by a piercing brightness, a white light that seemed to stretch on for miles and envelop her completely. Despite the apparent heaviness of her body, her mind was floating, soaring high above the fleeting world, as weightless as the glimmering light all around her.

_“Am I dead?”_

She could hardly make sense of what was going on.

She tried to focus her eyes on something, anything, but there didn’t appear to anything nearby for her to latch onto. If this was her afterlife, it was a pretty shitty one; where were the angels with their harps and her dearly departed loved ones of the past to greet her as she crossed through the pearly gates? As she began to ponder whether or not she would be alone, floating aimlessly for all eternity, a figure finally appeared before her. 

The blinding light kept their identity concealed, but she found herself attempting to reach out towards the person, only her arm was far too heavy for her to find success. The silhouettes of a few others gathered behind the prominent figure, all of them hovering over her. She could hear a muted buzzing coming from them.

_“They must be speaking...”_

She couldn’t make any sense of the words.

Perhaps ethereal beings spoke a language entirely of their own.

She tried her best to call out to them, but they didn’t seem to hear her. Eventually, the airiness became too much and she found her world dimming once again. It was like she was standing atop a mountain, the high altitude finally getting to her, oxygen becoming increasingly sparse.

She must have been really high up. 

_“Co-si-ma.”_

The voice rang out through the void. 

It was soft and familiar, warm and soothing. It continued to ricochet off the invisible boundaries of her surroundings, ringing in her ears. She wanted to respond to it, she even managed to open her mouth ever-so-slightly in an attempt to, but she couldn’t manage more than a few smothered groans in response.

_“Co-si-ma.”_

The voice continued to call out to her. 

She held onto it as she slipped into the blackness. 

 

\+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

 

When she opened her eyes for the second time, she was met by the same light as before. She blinked a couple of times, trying yet again to make sense of her surroundings. She didn’t hear the voice anymore, nor did she see any figures surrounding her.

She was alone again.

The fog slowly lifted and the brightness became less severe. 

She found herself staring at ceiling tiles, beckoned back to consciousness by the sound of beeping machines working fastidiously. She now recognized the brightness as the unmistakeable light of a hospital room. A moment later, Delphine was hovering over her with glossy doe eyes and a smile that Cosima thought she’d never see again.

“Delphine?” she asked through the haze.

Delphine’s lower lip trembled.

As she wondered what the source of all the emotion was, the blonde leaned down, planting a gentle kiss upon her dry lips, one she was too weak to really reciprocate, but she closed her eyes anyway as her monitor’s lips ghosted over her own.

“How do you feel, _mon amour?”_

“Like I got hit by a truck,” Cosima grumbled, her voice coarse.

The blonde chuckled lightly as Cosima offered her a weak smile. 

“Water?”

“Yes, of course.”

She brought a plastic cup with a straw to Cosima’s mouth and the clone sipped greedily for a few seconds. When she finished, Delphine placed the cup on the side table, a look of amazement and pure joy still plastered on her face as she took in the petite brunette. Cosima couldn’t remember ever seeing the blonde so happy before.

“What’s going on?” Cosima finally asked.

“You’re okay, Cosima,” Delphine replied, smiling wide. “You’re going to live.”

She suddenly remembered the events leading up to that very moment.

She had had a seizure at their apartment that had landed her in the hospital. She remembered her stubbornly naive girlfriend begging her not to give up, even though she knew that her fight was futile. Not long after that, her lungs had given out, she knew that much for sure. She could feel them as they went. Everything after that felt like a blur. She faintly remembered drifting in and out of consciousness and she thought she remembered a ventilator.

“How?” she wondered aloud.

How was she there, breathing, speaking, _not dying?_ Sure, her head still felt fuzzy and her body still felt heavy, but it was distinctly different from the heaviness of death that she had felt before. She looked around at the equipment she was attached to, trying to make sense of things. She took a deep breathe and oxygen came easier then it had in months. Her chest didn’t rattle or threaten to erupt. She finally looked back up at Delphine. The doctor’s expression had changed and she knew that face well; it was the face she made when she was withholding something, when she felt guilting for doing so.

“Delphine, what happened?” she pressed.

The blonde paused, racking her brain for the proper response.

How much to tell her?

“Rachel is dead,” she settled on.

“Holy shit,” Cosima mumbled in disbelief. “But... how?”

“One of your sisters,” Delphine clarified.

It couldn’t have been Alison.

It had to be...

“Sarah?”

She knew that the Brit had more than enough motive to take Rachel out, but she really didn’t think that Sarah was capable of something like _that._ Sure, Sarah had killed in self-defense before, but that was a world apart from murder.

“No,” Delphine replied. “The Ukrainian one, I believe.”

“Helena?”

Last she’d heard, Helena was dead; killed by Sarah’s hand while the two were locked in a death-match, as Sarah had explained. She had no reason to doubt the punk and she could tell by the tone of Sarah’s voice over the phone that Sarah was trying to hide her guilt and contempt over such an act. Sarah couldn’t have faked such a response, it didn’t seem possible. So, if Sarah wasn’t lying and she really did kill Helena, then how the hell was the angry angel herself still wandering around?

“Sarah said Helena was dead.”

Delphine shook her head.

“Apparently she survived.”

Cosima hummed in response, pondering how such a thing was possible. 

“There was a confrontation between Sarah and Rachel. Sarah was almost killed, but Helena intervened just in time. By the time we got there, she had disappeared again.”

“And Sarah?”

Delphine smiled.

“Sarah is fine. She’s just outside, actually. I’ll send her in once we’re finished.”

Cosima nodded.

Despite such an interesting turn of events, Delphine still hadn’t answered her question. What had happened? Why was she still alive and breathing just fine on her own? As if she could sense Cosima’s torment, Delphine prepared to continue on with her tale. She inhaled deeply, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. She was unsure of how Cosima would handle the next bit of news, but she knew there was no way to avoid the reveal.

“They... collected Rachel’s body and brought it back here,” she began, her voice shaky. “She had perfectly healthy lungs, so...”

Perfectly healthy lungs.

And, being a clone, a perfect compatibility.

Her breath caught for the first time with her new lungs and her eyes became damp, lip quivering. She brought her hands to her face in an attempt to both subdue and conceal her expression. She may not have liked Rachel at all, but she never wanted _this._ She never wanted someone else to die so she could live. 

“This isn’t your fault, Cosima. Nothing could be done,” Delphine quickly tried to reassure her, stroking Cosima’s hand gently. “Rachel would have killed Sarah. She had to be dealt with. It seemed foolish to let her lungs go to waste.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.”

Delphine was right, Cosima knew. Still, it didn’t change the fact that she was here because Rachel was not.

“Your body seems to have accepted the new lungs. We’ll have to run some more tests, but it looks like you’re going to be fine, _ma cherie.”_

“Fine for now,” Cosima corrected.

Yes, she had a new set of lungs, but they still hadn’t been able to locate the cause of the disease and they still hadn’t been able to discover a cure. If the ailment was encoded in her DNA, which she suspected, then it was only a matter of time before her new lungs gave out, as well.

“You have time now, Cosima. _We_ have time. And we’re closer to a cure than we’ve ever been.”

“Yeah? And how’s that?”

Delphine’s smile returned as she walked over to the door, opening it. She poked her head outside, whispering a few words to whoever was on the other side of the door. A moment later, Sarah entered along with Kira.

Cosima couldn’t contain her own drowsy smile.

“Hey, Cos. How are you feeling?” Sarah greeted.

“Not dead, so that’s nice,” Cosima shrugged.

Delphine quietly slipped out of the room, giving the strange family some privacy.

“I drew you a picture,” a tiny voice said, holding up a piece of paper.

Cosima reached as far as she could, meeting Kira halfway to retrieve the picture. The girl had drawn a picture of Cosima with Sarah standing at her side and other people she could only assume were meant to be doctors, the words “get well” scribbled messily in blue crayon at the very top.

“Wow, that’s so awesome!” Cosima exclaimed. “But I don’t look nearly that pretty, Kira.”

Kira giggled.

Sarah crouched down, addressing her daughter.

“How about you run outside and go find Delphine while I talk with Auntie Cosima? Maybe you can find Uncle Felix, too.”

“She has nice hair,” Kira remarked.

Both Sarah and Cosima burst into laughter until the pain of Cosima’s prior surgery prevented her from doing so any more.

“Yeah, I think so, too,” Cosima said.

With that, Kira obediently dashed out of the room, leaving the two women alone.

“So, Helena’s alive?” Cosima asked, shifting the tone of the conversation to a much more serious one.

“Yeah,” was all Sarah could muster.

“Kind of a mind fuck, huh?”

Sarah shook her head, blinking back tears.

“She saved me, Cos. I shot her in the chest but she saved me anyway.”

Had she been well know to stand and move around, she would have pulled her sister into a tight embrace. All she could think to do instead was offer Sarah a sympathetic smile.

“She’s clearly got her demons, but I think she really loves you, Sarah. I mean, you’re her only family. You and Kira are probably the closest thing to comfort that she’s ever had.”

Sarah nodded.

“I just... I wasn’t expecting that.”

Silence befell the room as they both gathered their thoughts, trying to make sense of the situation.

“Well, if she shows up again, you’ll have to give her my thanks, too,” Cosima said, breaking their momentary silence. “Looks like she saved two lives.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sarah agreed with a teary smile. “You’re okay. That’s all that matters.”

“For now, at least.”

“Hopefully for good, now that Kira’s here.”

Cosima’s eyes widened at the mention of her niece’s name. She knew exactly what Sarah was implying. Delphine had brought it up, as well. She was well aware of the fact that Kira was most likely her last hope at developing an actual cure, but she wasn’t willing to put her niece in that position. What kind of person would she be if she was willing to exploit a child in such a way? So long as the risk to Kira was present, she couldn’t bring herself to consider it.

“Sarah, I can’t ask you to... you can’t trust DYAD. Especially with Kira,” Cosima protested.

“I know, I know. Things are going to get a little easier now, though.”

Cosima’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Sarah leaned back against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well, turns out the board was pretty pissed with Rachel and her bloody warpath. And one of S’s friends was able to pull some strings.”

“Your foster mom has friends in DYAD?”

“Yeah. Some Miriam chick,” Sarah explained. “Her and S have been working together for a while. With the whole Rachel fiasco, they realized that they really need to try a different tactic, one that doesn’t involve hunting down people like bloody dogs.”

“Gee, you think?” Cosima asked sarcastically.

Sarah smirked.

“With a little persuading, she managed to get them to call off the hunt. So, Kira and I are in the clear for now.”

“Persuading? What kind of persuading?”

“Miriam and S helped me set up a meeting.”

“You met with the board?” Cosima asked, surprised.

“Yeah. Bunch of stiffs with bad hair and nice suits.”

“Go figure.”

“Anyway,” Sarah continued, pushing away from the wall and walking towards Cosima’s bed. “I offered them some of Kira’s samples as a peace offering. The samples’ll go to you, once you’re well enough to jump back into it and all that shit, but Delphine’s got them for now. She’s gonna use them to work out some sort of cure for you.”

Cosima’s eyes welled with tears.

“I know we can’t fully trust DYAD, but I know I can trust you. I know you’ll do the right thing with them, Cos. That’s why I need you to live. I need you to live and stick with these freaks, to keep an eye on them. For all of us.”

Cosima swallowed back her emotions and nodded.

“Of course. You know I’ve got your back.”

“Good,” Sarah smiled. “Cause it looks like you’re gonna be the ambassador between us and DYAD. They said it was crucial to open a real line of communication between us, and since I trust you with my life and they trust you with the science, looks like you’re that line. Better rest up while you still can, yeah? You’re gonna be pretty fucking busy.”

 

\+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

 

Delphine watched behind a quiet smile as Kira climbed all over her uncle, grabbing at his arms and swinging from them like a monkey from a branch, all the while Felix growled like a mock-monster, attempting to subdue her. Watching Kira play and laugh like the carefree child she should have been, the one she truly was at heart, brought an air of lightness back into her life that she hadn’t felt in a long time, probably since she first met Cosima and their relationship was comprised of playful banter and innocent acts of theft.

Out of the corner of the eye she caught Sarah stalking down the long hallway from Cosima’s room towards them. She stood from the waiting room chair and waited until Sarah reached them, ducking down to plant a kiss atop Kira’s head. 

“How is Cosima?” Delphine asked.

“She’s okay,” Sarah replied. “Looked kinda tired, though. Figured I’d let her rest.”

Delphine nodded in understanding.

Sarah gestured with her head, tilting it towards the vacant corner of the room, an invitation for Delphine to join her for a private moment. Delphine quickly caught on, following the brunette as she led them away from Felix and Kira.

“So, this is gonna work, yeah?” she asked. “Kira’s samples. They’ll definitely cure Cosima, right?”

“I have a couple of lab techs looking into it right now, but I’ll know more for certain once I get back to DYAD,” she answered. “I want to spend a little more time with Cosima before I head back. She shouldn’t be alone.”

“No, yeah. Of course.”

Delphine could tell that Sarah was still on edge, still worried about the possibility of failure.

“Kira’s samples are very promising. I’m sure we’ll be able to manufacture a cure from them. It’s going to take some time, but thanks to you and Helena, Cosima finally has that time.”

“I... I hesitated,” Sarah admits with a pang of guilt. “I know I said I wouldn’t, but I did.”

Delphine frowns.

“I... I _wanted_ to. I _wanted_ to want to, you know? But I had that gun pointed at her and I just...”

Delphine stepped forward, placing a hand gently on Sarah’s shoulder.

“It’s fine,” she said softly. “It all worked out. That’s what matters.”

“Yeah,” Sarah agreed. “I guess. I’m just... not really sure if the ends justify the means, you know?”

“I am.”

Sarah stared down at her feet, considering the doctor’s words. For better or worse, it _had_ all worked out. Cosima was still alive and so was Helena, she had Rachel off her back and it looked like they were on the path to actually working out some sort of treaty with DYAD. When she really thought about it, she realized that things couldn’t have been better. 

“Cosima’s still here,” Delphine added. “And so are you and Kira.”

That was worth any sacrifice, any casualty.

Sarah smirked.

“I gotta say, Doc. I’m impressed.”

Delphine cocked her head in confusion.

“I definitely didn’t give you enough credit before,” she confessed. “I didn’t think you had the balls to come up with something like that. It’s a pretty fucked up thing, premeditated murder.”

Delphine’s face remained stoic, unreadable.

“Rachel said that I wouldn’t shoot her, that I didn’t have the stomach for it. I thought I could, but when I was actually standing in front of her with that gun... I mean, _I_ hesitated, but _you?_ You never did. Not even for a second.”

It was a crazy plan, the blonde knew, but she had been desperate; Cosima needed new lungs and Sarah needed Rachel to be gone. It seemed like a logical decision, a quick solution to both of their problems. 

“You would have done it, wouldn’t you?” Sarah finally asked her. “If you had been the one with the gun... you would have shot her in a heartbeat.”

She wasn’t wrong.

“It’s Cosima,” was all Delphine managed to say in a whispered breath.

There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do.

Sarah smiled.

“Yeah. It’s Cosima,” she agreed.

An awkward silence descended as Delphine attempted to shake off her hesitation, finding the nerve to say what was about to follow. Her features hardened as she cloaked herself in armor once again.

“Cosima... she can’t know about this,” Delphine finally mustered, her voice not quite a plea but not quite a warning either.

The doctor wasn’t necessarily afraid of the blame befalling herself. She could handle it if she had to; she had endured Cosima’s wrath many times over by now. It was because she knew that as angry as Cosima would be with her, she’d be even angrier at herself. She’d blame herself for putting both Delphine and Sarah in positions that required such drastic measures. She’d shut the doctor out and carry it with her for the rest of her life.

She wasn’t about to let that happen.

“Yeah. Okay.”

Silence, again.

It was more comfortable this time, wrapped in forgiveness and a newfound understanding of each other.

“I’m going to go and sit with her for a while.”

Sarah nodded. 

The doctor turned away, slowly beginning her journey back to her waiting lover. She’d fall asleep at her bedside tonight, yet again. Only this time, she didn’t have to worry if Cosima’s smile would be there to greet her in the morning. 

“You’ll take care of her?” Sarah called out as she watched Delphine walk away.

Delphine paused mid-stride and stared down at the ground, smiling. She cocked her head slightly to the side so that Sarah would be able to hear her answer.

_“Toujours.”_


End file.
